May I speak to Ben Dover?

Ever wonder what's been found in other people's asses? No? Didn't think so.

Who are you kidding? Of course you're curious! To satisfy your need for knowledge, here's a table of rectal foreign bodies published in a 1986 issue of Surgery Magazine. These numbers were established by Dr. David B. Busch and Dr. James R. Starling of Madison, Wisconsin.


Glass or ceramic
Bottle or jar- 32
Bottle with attached rope- 1
Glass or cup- 12
Light bulb- 7
Tube- 6

Food
Apple- 1
Banana- 2
Carrot- 4
Cucumber- 3
Onion- 2
Parsnip- 1
Plantain (with condom)- 1
Potato- 1
Salami- 1
Turnip- 1
Zucchini- 2

Wooden
Ax handle- 1
Stick or broom handle- 10
Miscellaneous or unspecified- 3

Sexual Device
Vibrator- 23*
Dildo- 15

Kitchen device
Dull knife- 1
Ice pick- 1
Knife sharpener- 1
Mortar pestle- 2
Spatula (plastic)- 1
Spoon- 1
Tin cup- 1

Miscellaneous tools
Candle- 1
Curling Iron- 1
Flashlight- 3
Iron rod- 1
Pen- 2
Rubber tube- 1
Screwdriver- 1
Toothbrush- 1
Wire spring- 1

Inflated device
Balloon- 1
Balloon attached to cylinder- 1
Condom- 1

Ball
Baseball- 2
Tennis ball- 1
Pool cue ball- 1

Miscellaneous containers
Baby powder can- 1
Candle box- 1
Shampoo Bottle- 1
Snuff box- 1

Miscellaneous
Bottle cap **- 1
Cattle horn- 3
Chain (gold)- 1
Frozen pig's tail- 1
"Kangaroo tumor" #- 1
Hair Mousse Cap- 1
Plastic rod- 1
Stone- 2
Toothbrush holder- 1
Toothbrush package- 1
Whip handle- 2*

Collections (one case of each)
2 Glass tubes
72 1/2 Jeweler's saw
Oil can with potato stopper
Piece of wood, peanut
Umbrella handle and enema tubing
2 Glasses
Phosphorus match ends (homicide)
402 Stones
Toolbox ##
2 Bars soap
Beer glass and preserving pot
Lemon and cold cream jar
2 Apples
Spectacles, suitcase key, tobacco pouch, and magazine
total of 14 collections, with approximately 500 objects

* number may be larger (text unclear)
**cannot exclude ingestion
# unique case of pedunculated perianal skin tumor habitually
inserted into rectum
##inside a convict; contained saws and other items usable
in escape attempts.

Who says science can't be fun?

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