Saturday, August 30, 2008

MST3K Of The Week:The Final Sacrifice

Canada is a great setting for really horrible movies. This is especially true if said movie is The Final Sacrifice. Full of the usual 80s bad hair (the movie was made in the 90s, go figure!) and horrific acting, this movie has become one of our favorite MST3Ks to date. ROWSDOWER!

What to look for: "Knew him? He was delicious!"

Friday, August 29, 2008

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Delicious Drag: Our Three Favorite Fictional Drag Queens

We love drag queens. They're full of sass and sophistication as well as some kick ass fashion sense. They bleed glitter and cry tears of sweet perfume. They are earthly goddesses. Need we say more? Today we pay homage to these bursts of pure beauty by showing our three favorite fictional drag queens. These sweeties have been to hell and back in a pair of heels and are longing for your attention! Enjoy!

3. Frank-N-Furter
Don't get strung out by the way he looks, don't judge a book by its cover. Frank is our favorite character from Rocky Horror. Not only does he perfect the cherry red lips, he's a total charmer! He's smooth, obscene, and full of pure sass. He killed meatloaf for christsake! That just screams AMAZING!
2. Hedwig
Straight from Germany, Hedwig is the best export the U.S. has ever handled. She's a scorned woman on a mission to get her songs back from an ex lover. With bouts of catchy songs the audience is captivated by the story of a life of opression and struggle. She's a creature of pure beauty. Who wouldn't want that gorgeous blonde head of hair?

1. Divine

Queen of drag and filth, Divine was the first to be disgusting while wearing loads of make-up and tight dresses. She was pure fabulous. To this day no one can spew out a rant like her or fire a gun with such class. Divine was the most unique drag queen who ever lived. Who else could smile those pearly whites while eating dog shit? We love you Divine!

Big time Agriculture!

Did you know?

  • Iceland has more tractors per 1000 hectacres than any other country.
  • Costa Rica produces more melons, bananas, and pineapples than any other country.
  • Big Shocker: Costa Rica leads in pesticide use.
  • China leads in cotton production and exports
  • Austrailia is the leader in organic cropland.
  • Ukraine produces more barley and coarse grain than any other country.


Rant of The Week: Pilots of Terror

His name:David Thompson His mission: take down as many "rogue helicopter pilots" as possible. They made his house SHAKE, SHAKE, AND KEEP SHAKIN! Shame on you pilot terrorist pussy! Leave this man alone!

We gave this rant a B+ for Dave's the use of loud language and the fact that he scares boyscouts. We hope that evil helicopters no longer plague his life! Good luck Dave!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

That Time of The Month Eh?

Menstruation is not just a time to feel really unconfortable, it's a time for art! Listen up ladies, the Hem feels your pain during those pressing menstruation times. To cure you of any period blues, we will be posting new art about this interesting subject.

This month's art is from Vanessa Tiegs. Tiegs created A Journal of the Monthly Renewal Process which is dedicated to menstrual art. What makes this art particularly unique is the fact that she doesn't use paint to create her pictures, she uses her own blood! The result are beautiful works with a message and a bit of shock factor to boot!

Check it Out!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Getting a Little Tired of Trivia...Anyone?

Heh, us too! We know you need your daily dose of trivia, but after much debate we have come to the conclusion that repeating the same post day after day goes against our philosophy of randomness. Don't get us wrong, we love doing weekly posts such as our MST3K of the week but daily posts of the same thing bore us! Be prepared for Trivia...Anyone to not be a daily thing, but a couple-times-a-week thing. We think the change will be great for us all!

Much Love,
The Hem

Hooray! Piglet Decomposition!

Just when all hope seems to be lost, we find a gem like this. This proves that YouTube does have some culturally redeeming value! Where else would one find uncensored carnage next to Hannah Montana videos? The poster, Folkstreamer, even gives a good introduction to this interesting clip:

"Dr. Jerry Payne's time lapse movie of the decomposition of a baby pig. The technique of time-lapse photography is employed to illustrate the rapid removal of carrion (4 days reduced to approximately 6 minutes). The film demonstrates the sequence of tissue destruction and the role of insects in the ultimate dismemberment of the pig carcass and soil movement. The pink and purple beads were added to show the intense activities of the insects in moving the carcass and soil. Payne writes..."My study was the first "detailed" study of succession in animal decomposition and the first with the pig as the model. The significance of the pig is that it closely approximates the human body (skin, body hair, size etc.) so the data generated could be used in modern forensic science to approximate the time of human deaths. At that time it was simply not possibly (moral/ethical/legal concerns) to perform decompositon studies with human corpses, I know because I tried and was denied. Even so there were many instances where some concerned person buried my research pigs."The pigs used in the experiment were dead when Jerry Payne picked them up from local farmers. Mama pigs (sows) often lay down on their tiny piglets and crush them. This was very common on small farms and led to the invention and deployment of farrowing pens(birthing pens) where the sow is contained and the piglets have a heated space where they are not in danger of being crushed."


Thanks to Folkstreamer for posting such a neat video!

Naming the Author....Anyone?

Books are great and so is trivia. The two of them together is an orgy of greatness. We'll list 10 book titles and you give us the author. First correct post gets champ. Answers are posted tomorrow.

1.Diary of a Drug Fiend
2.Great Expectations
3.Less Than Zero
4.Madame Bovary
5.War and Peace
6.The Grass Harp
8.My Antonia
9.Sex and the Single Girl
10.The Bell Jar

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Don't Like Your Real Name? Generate One!

A special moment with PsycheofAphrodite:
It started with a love for burlesque.... or perhaps severe head trauma. It was a choice that would impact the world for years to come. It was the day I decided on my stage name of Hemorah Locke. Okay, maybe it wasn't that important (I may even change it) but a new name seems to make everything better. When you were born, your parents gave you a name based on absolutely nothing at all. They didn't even know you for christsake! A new name adds your own flair to one of your most important characteristics. Even with this said, the prospect of finding a name to fit you completely is a bit daunting. Lucky for you we have a list of the best name generators to ever grace the internet. Go forward and explore name spelunker!

Burlesque Name Generator

My first generated name was Fonda Cox. I'm convinced that this thing is the voice of god.

The Mexican Wrestler Name Generator

El Caballo Picante.... that's the name I generated. Nothing cool or slick, just El Caballo Picante. I guess it's time to give up that mexican wrestling dream.

Porn Name Generator

Perfect for the whole family!

The Best Name Generator Ever

This is the King (Queen) of all name generators. You get four names for the time and effort of one! Hooray Laziness!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

MST3K of the Week: Space Mutiny

Space Mutiny is the WORST movie we've ever laid eyes on. Ed Wood couldn't touch the confusing plot and utter phoniness of this flick. Talk about 80s sleaze to the extreme!
Things to look for: JOHN WATERS and "Hey Mike... I'm a Bularian".


Are you ready for a quizbowl weekend? First person to answer correctly wins champ! Answers will be posted on Monday!

1. Hippocrates wrote that it was the most widespread disease of his time, and called it phthisis. Edvard Munch’s sister, the subject of The Sick Child, died of it. The bacteria that causes it multiplies only about once a day, so infection is easily prevented by those with normal immune systems. Inmates of Georgian prisons are known to swap sputum to be tested positive for this disease and transferred to quarantine prisons with better facilities. In March 2007, Andrew Speaker became the first individual to receive a CDC isolation order since 1963 when he entered the United States while infected with the multi-drug-resistant type of this disease. Name this disease caused by mycobacteria, also known as TB.

2. He wrote about his disgust with conventional education in Beneath the Wheel, and other early works describe artists, Gertrud and Rosshalde. He was a bookseller until writing about a failed writer in his first novel, Peter Camenzind, while more mature works of his include Narcissus and Goldmund. He was psychoanalyzed by J.B. Lang, the results of which led to Demian. One famous work includes characters like Plinio Designori and Thomas van der Trave, the predecessor of the major character, while another has Kamaswami and Govinda. Along with Hermine and Maria, another work is about Harry Haller, while the first work is about Father Jacobus and Joseph Knecht. Name this author of Steppenwolf, The Glass Bead Game, and Siddhartha.

3. Askr and Embla were born from it, four deer run across it, representing the winds, and the Roaring Kettle, which serves as the source of rivers, lies beneath it. Also known as Laerad, Heidrun and Eikthyrmir eat from it, and Lif and Leifthrasir will use it as shelter. Urdarbrunnr is used to sustain it while it holds together three levels that contain the Nine Worlds, and the Aesir hold court here. Nidhogg gnaws at the base of it, and it will eventually be destroyed by Surt. The source of the mead served in Valhalla, Odin hung upside down for nine nights from it to receive runes. The golden bird Vidofnir is perched on a hawk at its top, and Ratatösk runs up and down it delivering messages. Name this giant ash, the world tree in Norse mythology.

4. Paintings from this movement include Funeral of the Anarchist Galli by Carlo Carra and The City Rises. It his movement was temporarily endorsed by Fascists, and its manifesto was written by Filippo Marinetti, who expressed a hatred for political and artistic traditions from the past and love for speed, technology, and violence. Paintings in this style sometimes portrayed people in progressive stages of motion, and used Cubist methods of division of space. One painting in this style shows a street lamp emitting light in the shape of V’s. Dog on a Leash shows a scurrying dog whose legs are blurred into circles by motion, and Unique Forms of Continuity in Space shows the dynamism of a walking man. Name this movement whose artists include Giacomo Balla, Umberto Boccioni, and Gino Severini.

5. As ambassador to Russia, he met and befriended Prince Gorchakov, who would later become one of his greatest adversaries, when the Prince would denounce him as having denied Russia’s victory by the modification of the Treaty of San Stefano. The League of Three Emperors thus fell apart during that same month-long meeting he led to decide upon the Eastern Question as the host and mediator of the Congress of Berlin. Seven years later, he organized another conference in Berlin to decide the fate of African colonization, which precipitated the Scramble for Africa. Name this German Chancellor to Emperor Wilhelm I, who famously proclaimed the great questions of the day will be decided by “iron and blood.”

6. One of his works is about an old man with "white hair descending/in a frothy cataract" who gives a speech to conscripts about the horrors they were praying to inflict on their enemy entitled The War Prayer, while he explains his problems learning "The Awful German language" in an epilogue to one of his more famous works. He wrote a work about Joan of Arc dictating memoirs to Sieur Louis and a collaboration with Charles Dudley Warner which gave its name to The Gilded Age. More famous works are The Tramp Abroad and some that follow a boy who meets Injun Joe in a cemetary and another vagrant son of a drunk who runs away on a raft with the slave Jim. Name this author of the books about St. Petersburg, Missouri, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

7. This nation won the first match in World Cup history, beating Belgium 3-0, and finished 3rd in that 1930 World Cup, still their best finish to date. Their World Cup appearance in 1990 was the first in 40 years, but in 1950, Joe Gaetjans scored the goal that helped them defeat England 1-0 in the "Miracle on Grass". They finished in last place in the 1998 World Cup, losing to Germany, Yugoslavia, and Iran under coach Steve Sampson 4 years after hosting the tournament, and in 2006, failed to make it past the Group of Death against the Czech Republic, Italy, and Ghana, leading to the departure of coach Bruce Arena. Name this country whose soccer team is captained by Carlos Bocanegra and includes players such as DaMarcus Beasley, Landon Donovan, and Freddy Adu.

8. Classical physics can be defined as the limit of quantum mechanics as this quantity tends to zero. It was originally proposed in reference to black-body radiation, where E, the quantized energy of the photons of radiation, equals this quantity times nu, the frequency. A related constant which is useful when calculating with angular frequency instead of constant frequency is called Dirac's constant, and is simply this constant divided by 2 pi. It is denoted by the letter “h” and has a value of approximately 6.626 times 10-34 Joule-seconds. Name this physical constant named after a German physicist, which describes the sizes of quanta.

9. One character in this work opens a store for “the most miserable of the miserable”, then proceeds to sing his “Morning Hymn”, and the “Instead-Of Song” is between him and his wife. The House of Prostitution in Turnbridge is the setting for “The Ballad of Sexual Dependency”, and a barmaid sings a song about herself, “Pirate-Jenny”. At the end, the main character is presented Castle Marmarel, but we are first told about his banditry before seeing the opening of that store by Jonathan Jeremiah Peachum. The “Jealousy Duet” is sung between Lucy and Polly, while the first song of Act I is the most famous, a ballad covered by Lyle Lovett and Louis Armstrong, among others, about the main character, Mack the Knife. Name this opera based on John Gay’s Beggar’s Opera, a collaboration between Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht.

10. In 1995, this land mass was struck by an earthquake that destroyed the town of Neftegorsk. Its highest point is Mount Lopatin, and it is separated from the mainland by the Tatar Strait. In 1875 the country that controls it today traded it for a nearby archipelago and ran a penal colony on it before losing its southern half thirty years later. During that time, the island was known as Karafuto, and was handed over according to the Treaty of Portsmouth. Cities on it include Alexandrovsk and Yuzhno, which is the capital of the province formed by this namesake island and the nearby archipelago, part of which is still claimed by Japan, the Kuril Islands. The Sea of Okhotsk lies east of what island, the largest in Russia?

Taken from the Hunter College High School Quizbowl

Friday, August 22, 2008

Autopsy Scarification

See that nifty y-shaped cut above? It's used in an autopsy to give full view of all of the chest organs. What happens when this y-shaped incision is used on the living? Well, we're sure the good folks at Bmezine would love to show you! Go ahead, you know you want to!

The Alphabet of Superstitions

The Alphabet of Superstitions
(Excluding the letters Q and X)

Astronauts- Avoid Wearing any unlucky colors or having any exact dress rehersals of a flight.
Bacon- Credited with healing powers. Heals warts, constipation, and fever. If it curls in the pan a new guest will arrive.
Camphor- Guards the keeper of it from disease, keeps young girls chaste.
Dimple- Dimple in your chin
Your living’s brought in
Dimple in your cheek
Your living’s to seek
Earthquake- There are things
An Earthquake Brings
At nine of the bell
They sickness foretell
At five and seven they betoken rain
At four the sky
Is cleared nearby
At six and eight comes wind again
Furniture- If furniture moves by itself, someone will die. You should change the furniture around once someone dies to confuse their ghost
Grass- When eaten by cats and dogs, rain is on its way.
Hairpin- Find a new one, gain a new friend. Lose one and an enemy is on their way.
Ivy- Ivy Ivy, I love thee
In my bosom I put thee
And the first young man that speaks to me
Shall be my love and marry me
Jade- Africa- Conjures up rain. South America- cures spleen problems. New Zealand- fertility symbol.
Knee- English- Itchy knee means you will be in a strange church. US- itchy knee means jealously.
Lameness- Unlucky to meet a lame person or animal. Very bad luck for a funeral procession to be led by a lame donkey.
Maple tree- Any child put through its branches is blessed with a long life.
Nipple- If a man’s nipples are pink, he’s never had the chance to be a father, if he has brown nipples, he has fathered children.
Pie- It’s unlucky to see a pie on its own, but its lucky to see two of them.
Razor- Give one to a friend and you kill the friendship. It’s also unlucky to find one.
Sage- He that would live for aye
Must eat sage in May
Trunks- Should not be locked when the owner leaves home, or they may not return to unlock it.
Ulcer- Appearance of one means that you have been telling lies.
Virgin- A virgin’s touch makes warts disappear and only virgins can calm unicorns.
Wasp- First wasp should always be killed for good luck
Yellow- Unluckiest of all colors, cowards, sickness and death.
Aries (3/21-4/19)- energetic, self-sufficient
Taurus(4/21-5/20)- stable, full of faith
Gemini (5/21-6/20)- lazy, clever
Cancer (6/21- 7/21)- kind, easy to change
Leo (7/21- 8/20)- Athletic, honest
Virgo (8/21-9/20)- kind, reserved
Libra (9/21-10/20)- balance-minded, artistic
Scorpio (10/21-11/20)- generous, brave
Sagittarius (11/21-12/21)- friendly, quick
Capricorn (12/21- 1/21)- loyal, perfectionist
Aquarius (1/21-2/19)- sympathetic, strong willed
Pisces (2/21-3/21)- lazy, tolerant

Pickering, David. Cassell Dictionary of Superstitions. London: Cassell, 1995.

United States Trivia....Anyone?

Why the United States? Why not? First person to answer all five questions correctly wins champ. Answers posted tomorrow morning.
1.Which state's workers were the first to build rockets to send people to the moon?
2.In which state was the United States Navel Academy founded?
3.Which state has the highest capital city which is 7,000 feet above sea level?
4.In which state was the first potato planted?
5.Which state is home to the world's largest sycamore tree?


Thursday, August 21, 2008

Bettie Page: The Original Beautiful

As you can see from the interview above, Bettie Page was not only a gorgeous pin-up queen but a sexual revolutionary. With her beautiful smile and amazing figure Page gave the conservative 1950s a swift kick in the face. Bettie was born April 22, 1923 in Nashville, Tennessee. She is famous for her pin-up as well as her fetish modeling, some of which can be seen below.

Bettie is considered to be the third most famous pin-up model (after Monroe and Mansfield) and it's easy to see why. Her brown eyes burn with excitement as she tooks into the camera. In Bettie Page one sees a woman who's having fun with her sexuality. Bettie embodies the taboo as well as the glamour. Bettie's look is timeless and because of this the world has never ended its love affair with her undying beauty. As long as there is a sun in the sky there will be the legend and wonder of the amazing Bettie Page!

To end this post about all things Bettie, we leave you with a rare glimpse into Bettie's big screen life with a clip from the burlesque feature Varietease. Enjoy!


Who's on the Cover of Sgt Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band?

People on the Cover of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely
Hearts Club Band Album by The Beatles
Aleister Crowley
Tony Curtis
Marlon Brando
Wallace Berman
Tom Mix
Lenny Bruce
Albert Einstein
Karlheinz Stockhausen
Marilyn Monroe
Oscar Wilde
W.C. Fields
William Burroughs
Carl Gustav Jung
Richard Lindner
Larry Bell
Tyrone Power
Edgar Allan Poe
Oliver Hardy
Johnny Weissmuller
Fred Astaire
Karl Marx
Tommy Handley
Mae West
Stephen Crane
Richard Merkin
H.G. Wells
Issy Bonn
Huntz Hall
Stuart Sutcliffe
Albert Stubbins
Simon Rodia
Dylan Thomas
Lewis Carroll
Bob Dylan
T.E. Lawrence
Aubrey Beardsley
David Livingstone
Sonny Liston
Sir Robert Peel
Stan Laurel
Marlene Dietrich
Aldous Huxley
George Bernard Shaw
Diana Dors
Terry Southern
Max Miller
Shirley Temple
Thanks to Schott’s Original Miscellany

Rant of the Week: Duckman

Duckman is the voice of a nation! Is it any wonder that people are crazy? We live in a world where sanity is the new insanity. How can one possibly expect to remain mentally sound when relaxation equals laziness and money is the supreme god? Day in and day out trying to claw your way to the top with the monkey of success vomiting into the dirty socket you call your brain... Okay, enough of the ranting from us.
We give this one an A++ because Duckman hit the nail on the head and inspired us to rant a bit too. Way to go Duckman!

More Jeopardy! Trivia... Anyone?

Who could resist more Jeopardy! trivia? Today's catagory is modern television. First to post wins champ. Answers are posted tomorrow.

1.Kyle Chandler is the coach of a small-town high school football team on this critically acclaimed TV show

2.Just when Wentworth Miller thought he was out, they pull him back--into jail--on this Fox drama

3.Starbuck is a woman on the Sci-Fi Channel's version of this series

4.This perky actress plays Olive Snook, a waitress at the Pie Hole on "Pushing Daisies"

5.Mick St. John is a P.I. who sucks--blood, that is--on this vampirific CBS show


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Mannequin Madness!

Mannequins are some of the creepiest objects to have ever been created. Just look at their empty eyes, stiff bodies, and blank expressions! Mannequins share most of their main characteristics with serial killers. The Hem recently dropped by an old store that was filled to the brim with these creepy creations. Here are some pictures of our horrific trip!

The mannequin at the top of the post is a mannequin of pure unadultrated fear. She sits on a rafter at the corner of the store beckoning for you to come and play. She's the oldest mannequin we could find in the entire store. Who knows how long this beast could have wreaked havoc!

As if mannequins aren't creepy enough, let's make this one faceless with deformed hands!
"Fred Dawson, you sonofabitch! I told ya if I caught ya cheatin again your ass would be up on my wall!"
The casual headless mannequin.

Hey, pimpin ain't easy for a mannequin.

This mannequin is obviously NEVER going to get laid. You poor thing! It's not 1977!

This is what all ugly mannequin babies look like! Geez, find a dumpster for that thing!

The scariest thing in the entire store was not a mannequin but a cardboard cutout of George Strait. OH THE HORROR!


Insomnia is a big problem a the Hem. There have been many nights when we found ourselves tossing and turning instead of sleeping. As with any problem, it's easier to cope when you realize you're in good company. Let us look at some famous insomniacs who have also felt the pain of a night without rest.

Vincent Van Gogh- Used lots of camphor to cure his insomnia. Little did he know that his large doses of camphor were well..... highly poisonous.

Groucho Marx- Called strangers up in the middle of the night to insult them during his bouts of insomnia.

Judy Garland- Garland's addiction to diet pills (aka speed) caused this beautiful star lack of sleep.

Marlene Dietrich- Ate onion and sardine sandwiches on rye to combat insomnia.

Alexandre Dumas- Went for walks at night to catch some Zs.

and our personal favorite......

Tallulah Bankhead- Had gay "caddies" who kept her company and held her hand until she slept. YOU GO GIRL!




Today's trivia comes from Jeopardy! The topic is gems and jewels. First correct set of answers wins champ. Answers are posted tomorrow.

1."Ring" in if you know that this gem is the hardest substance found in nature

2.This gem is most prized when its color is pigeon's blood red

3.Folklore affirms that spheres made from this precious stone, ojo de tigre, help in attaining business success

4.This 2-word gemstone was once ground to produce ultramarine, a deep blue paint pigment

5.Citrine, a translucent yellow quartz, is often sold as this gem


Recent Bigfoot Find is A Fake!'s a fake. A rubber suit in fact. A RUBBER SUIT! We must admit that at first we really believed that this could be real. That feeling lasted about 15 minutes (15 minutes of pure hope!). Now we are bowing are head in shame sobbing for evidence of our furry friend. Hoaxes like this give cryptozoology a bad name. Shame on you Bigfoot hoaxers. FOR SHAME! CNN has a pretty nifty story about the fake. Sorry folks!


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Bowl to the DEATH!

Although we never like to post twice on even remotely the same topic, this couldn't be ignored! Is it real? Maybe not, but who the hell cares! There's still quite a debate at the Hem over who will win in a real battle. Those Klingons may be strong and cunning, but the furries have animal instinct and amazing outfits! Can't we all just get along?

I Can Learn Klingon Too!

Today's klingon lesson will feature two phrases! We figure we've deprived you in the past of the klingon language, so why not a treat? Enjoy!

Phrase: jIyaj

Pronounced: gee-(ah-je) (je as in the French je; pronounce with emphasis)

Meaning: I understand

Phrase: jIyajbe'

Pronunced: gee-(ah-je)-beh

Meaning: I don't understand


via (We highly recommend this website to help you pronounce the phrases. They actually let you hear the phrase!)

Hey! It's Me!

Hey, it's PsycheofAphrodite here. See the curly haired chicca above? It's me! It's kind of scary, but that comic character looks almost EXACTLY like myself (with the exception of the circle for a face). Now when you're reading and feel really offended or really interested you know who to blame! Much love to you all! Enjoy the Hem!

Freud Lollys!

Go through your oral stage sucking on the coolest lollypop that has ever graced the Earth!


First set of correct answers wins champ. Answers posted tomorrow!

1.What current state contains an island settled by the Russians in 1784?

2.What sport did the Four Horsemen of Notre Dame play in 1925?

3.Inside what do peas grow in their seeds?

4.Who was the third American President to be assassinated?

5. Who said, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American voter."?

6.Name the country singer and sister to Loretta Lynn who had a hit with "Don't it Make My Brown Eyes Blue".

7. Name the inquisitive character whose books are among Forrest Gump's favorites.

8.Name the largest of the great lakes.

9.Who is the self-described "Painter of Light"?

10. Who was Mia Farrow's husband when she made Rosemary's Baby?

Taken from the game The Perfect 10.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Survey Says.....Dumbass!

Sometimes Family Feud features people who just aren't that good under pressure. The fast money round of the show is a great time to see utter nonsense spill out of said individuals' mouth holes. Let the embarrassment begin!

Q: Name a fruit that is yellow.
A: Orange

Q: Name a famous group of singers
A: The Simpsons

Q: Name an animal that you might see in the zoo.
A: A dog

Q: Name a famous bridge.
A: The bridge over troubled waters

Q: Something that flies that doesn't have an engine
A: A bicycle with wings

Q: Name an occupation where you need a torch
A: A burgular

Q: Somehting you do before going to bed
A: Sleep

Taken from Uncle John's Supremely Satisfying Bathroom Reader

The Delicate Cuisine of The Hem: Scrapple

Fry up a pig put it in a can.... scrapple
Fry up a pig put it in a can.... scrapple
Yes I am a scrapple man
I think I'll have another can
Fry up a pig put it in a can.... scrapple

This little blurb from the Xbox game Wacked is very funny because we've never personally seen scrapple in a can. If anyone has, please feel free to tell us! To the outsider scrapple can seem disgusting. Scrapple is a native Pennsylvanian food. If you grew up in Pennsylvania or in an area close to PA (WOO BALTIMORE!) you may have tried it. It's basically pig "scraps" that have been made into a gelatinous brick. Here are some ingredients in the scrapple package above: water, cornmeal, pork livers, pork skins, pork jowls, pork hearts, and buckwheat flour. Alot of the scrapple that we've tried as also had some hair mixed in there. Even with these ingredients, this food has become a breakfast staple for one reason....IT TASTES AMAZING! It has a sort of sausage taste (the best sausage you've ever tasted taste). The best type of scrapple has a crunchy outside and a mushy inside. It's something everyone should at least try once in their life. Sadly, we realize that it's not possible for all of you kind readers to get your hands on such a beautiful food. With this sad fact stated, we're bringing the scrapple to you! Come and get it!
Step 1- Cover the bottom of your pan in oil (we used veggie oil) and let it warm up.

Step 2: Open the package of scrapple and try not to breathe in. The smell gets better as it is cooking!

Step 3: Cut into medium sized slices and fry. Remove when both sides are brown.

Step 4: Cover a plate in paper towels to blot out any grease. Stack scrapple on plate and EAT IT UP! For a Philly favorite, cover it with maple syrup!

Here's another way to serve scrapple! We give it a "D" in presentation and an "A" in taste!

Disney Facts

  • 9.5 million tennis balls would be needed to fill just one of the tennis ball cans at Disney's All-Star Sports Resort Centre Court Hotel in Florida.
  • Annually, approximately 46 millions Cokes, five million pounds of french fries, and seven million hamburgers are consumed at Walt Disney World Resort.
  • In 1992, when EuroDisney first opened in France, the public beat some of the park characters because at the time most people had been against the park being built.
  • The story of Mulan had been told in China for almost 1,500 years before Disney decided to make it into an animated movie.
  • The United Parcel Service shipped the killer whale Keiko (star of Disney movie "Free Willy") from Mexico City to Newport, Oregon in 1998.
  • Walt Disney had a fear of mice
  • The Walt Disney character Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.



Today's trivia is a mix of all sorts of questions. First correct set of answers gets champ. Answers posted tomorrow.
1. What state has its most populous city on the shores of Lake Champlain?
2. Which surface are the courts at Wimbledon?
3. What is the hard glossy outer layer that protects our teeth called?
4. Who invented a famous rifle and improved the typewriter?
5. Who said, "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker."
6.Name the uninhibited group that sang the 1970s hit "All Right Now".
7. Shakespeare's Twelfth Night features a burping drunkard named Sir Toby. What is his last name?
8. What type of water formation do you usually find near an oxbow lake?
9. Who painted "American Gothic"?
10. Issur Danielovitch Demsky is the real name of what actor?
Taken from the game The Perfect Ten

Sunday, August 17, 2008

The WRONG Way To Use Lysol

That wife looks like she just douched with Lysol. She obviously has some kind of douching shell shock. Hey, you'd have shell shock too if your genitalia had just been dissolved by an air freshener.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Typography fix: Veer's Feel Script

Feel Script is the Bettie Page of fonts. It's airy, curvy, and gorgeous. The Veer website describes it like this:

"Feel Script is based on lettering that calligrapher and logo designer Rand Holub created for Intertype for his face Monterey. Fortunately, I didn’t have the technological limitations today that Intertype had back then. Holub’s lettering is presented in its entirety within Feel Script. Some letterforms were redrawn from vintage American magazine ads (some by Holub himself), along with many new alternates, ligatures, ending forms, and strangely beautiful character combinations. The experience I’ve accumulated from my previous calligraphy typefaces (Ministry Script, Affair, Buffet Script, Burgues Script, et al.) made it easier for me to apply Holub’s lettering in a new context using OpenType technology. The usual extended treatment was given to Feel Script, all the way into the implementation of three-letter ligatures and the dreamiest swashes I could imagine. I changed some of the connections between the lowercase letters in order to fit Holub’s calligraphy as opposed to the limited Intertype metal attempt.
I hope you like Feel Script. I also hope what I contributed to this particular Holub design is somewhat of a happy ending to a calligraphy story that crosses many technologies. From the pen to computer Bézier. My part of this story stops here ... and yours begins.
Feel Script has more than 1200 glyphs including: stylistic alternates, contextual alternates, titling alternates, swashes, and ligatures."

Bottom line: It's one AMAZING font! Check out the website!


Friday, August 15, 2008

Give the People Crystal Pepsi!

Crystal Pepsi? At Pizza Hut? Put your pants on Raymond, we're eatin' fancy tonight!

Bigfoot: Lost, Found, and Horny As Hell

Today hundreds waited with burning anticipation over a press conference pertaining to the "discovery" of bigfoot in Georgia. What they got in return, however, was a gigantic "disappointment". Not only was there no rotting bigfoot carcass, there was no conclusive DNA to be found at the time! OH THE AGONY! We know you must be wavering in your bigfoot faith. Never fear babies! We here at the Hem promise to keep the hope alive. We'll keep you up to date on what's happening with our good ol' hairy friend. In the meantime, let's celebrate this great creature by going back to March 26th when Bigfoot saw his name in the headlines for something a bit different.

Molester claims he was victim of Bigfoot


"A man who claims that he was molested by Bigfoot as a child was ordered to serve 20 years in prison yesterday for his own molestation-related activities.

Gene R. Morrill, 57, of New Ipswich, N.H., had previously pleaded guilty in Stafford Circuit Court to 20 charges stemming from his efforts to solicit 13-year-old boys over the Internet.

Defense attorney Terrence Patton cited Morrill's mental health issues in seeking leniency from Judge J. Howe Brown.

Morrill told an investigator preparing his pre-sentence report about being sexually assaulted by the legendary Bigfoot, a North American folklore character said to be between 7 and 10 feet tall, and covered in dark brown or dark reddish hair. Patton said Morrill really believes the assaulted happened.

However, Morrill was determined to be mentally competent to stand trial. The judge also couldn't have been impressed with Morrill's criminal record, which includes a rape conviction involving a child in New Hampshire.

According to the evidence presented by prosecutor Jim Peterson, Morrill was one of several out-of-state online predators identified last year by Detectives Darryl Wells and John Chapman.
The detectives made Internet contact with Morrill and others while pretending to be young boys.

Chapman introduced another suspected predator to Wells, his "13-year-old friend," and both detectives received pictures and movies of boys having sex with other children and adults.
The real boys were between 5 and 12 years old. The other predator brought Morrill into the conversations and Peterson presented pages of online discussions in which Morrill expresses his desire for sex acts with young boys.

Morrill was convicted of five counts of attempting to take indecent liberties with a child, five counts of using electronic equipment to solicit a juvenile and 10 counts of reproducing child pornography.

Morrill is still facing similar charges in Prince William County."

The face of a man molested by the Bigfootster.


MST3K of the Week: Zombie Nightmare

Zombie Nighmare is obviously the crack addicted child of Night of the Living Dead and St. Elmo's Fire that was left to rot in a dumpster full of hairspray. When movies die, they decompose into a revolting mass that consists only of maggots, rotted film, and Zombie Nightmare. With that said, this episode is one of our favorites. Feel free to laugh your living ass off!

What to look for: Servo's random outbursts of 80s pop sleaze.

Just In Case You Forgot....

The seven dwarves

Knights of the Round Table

The Apostles
Simon the Zealot
Judas Iscariot

Wives of Henry VIII
Catherine of Aragon
Catherine Parr
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard


Who's ready for a Quizbowl weekend? (Enter annoying cheer here) We'll supply you with the questions and you supply us with the answers. Capish? Answers are posted on Monday morning. First post wins champ! GET IT ON!

1. This battle was followed up by Operation Églantine, the losing side's last offensive in the war, which led to the Battle of Mang Yang Pass. The aftermath saw the 17th parallel established as a temporary boundary between the victorious nation and the occupier-backed losing side. The latter, which counted among its number Hmong mercenaries, had captured the namesake mountainous border town, which was promptly cut off and surrounded by Vo Nguyen Giap indirectly leading to the fall of the Fourth Republic. Name this major victory for the Viet Minh and disaster for the French that effectively ended the First Indochina War.

2. The first use of this phrase appeared in the title of a committee, which came up with a “February Outline”, but the “Group of Five” was declared in a “Notification” sent to the Politburo as “completely penetrated with double-dealing” and subsequently disbanded. A major spark to this event was “big-character-poster” written by Nie Yuanzi labeling professors as "black anti-Party gangsters," and within a week, the first Red Guard groups formed in Tsinghua University, and rival Red Guard groups fought street battles in Beijing. Name this disastrous period in modern Chinese history during which Mao Zedong’s cult of personality spiraled out of control.

3. This author's unfinished autobiography, Illumination and Night Glare, was released over 30 years posthumous in 1999. Novels include one about a latent homosexual officer and his nymphomaniac wife, and one about Jester, Fox Clane, and J.T. Malone. In addition to Reflections in a Golden Eye and A Clock Without Hands, she wrote the short stories "A Domestic Dilemna" and "The Sojourner" in one collection. One of her more famous works features Janice Evans getting married to Jarvis, the brother of the title character, Frankie Addams, while her most famous novel includes Jake Blount, a drunk who frequents Biff Brannon's New York Cafe, as well as Spiros Antonapoulos and John Singer, both of whom are deaf-mutes. Name this author of The Ballad of the Sad Cafe, The Member of the Wedding, and The Heart is a Lonely Hunter.

4. He founded his own architectural firm in 1955 with James Freed and Henry Cobb, a year after becoming a U.S. citizen. He was a member of the National Defense Research Committee from 1943 to 1945. While at Harvard, he studied under Walter Gropius, and during his early years, he designed many of his buildings in the style of Mies van der Rohe. One of his buildings was commissioned by François Mitterrand and includes an underground lobby. Some of his other projects include the Mile High Center in Denver, the Dallas City Hall, the Four Seasons Hotel in New York, the Javits Convention Center in New York, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, and the Bank of China Tower in Hong Kong. Name this Chinese-American architect who designed the glass pyramids in front of the Louvre.

5. The composer intended it and its two successors, Songs of Catullus and Triumph of Aphrodite, to be accompanied by dancers and scenery, but usually only the music is performed. The penultimate song equates Venus with two medieval heroines, Blanzifor and Helena, and is in Latin, as is the rest of the work, except for most of Part I, which is in Low German. That section, Uf Dem Anger, uses folk melodies from the composer's native Bavaria. Part II consists of a bunch of drunk monks having fun in a pub, and is, as such, named In Taberna. The work begins and ends with an evocation of a goddess "in a state of change like the moon", O Fortuna. Name this collection of 26 medieval songs set to music by Carl Orff.

6. His courage came from the thunder god Adad, and to amuse himself he sounded the tocsin. He loses the pukku and mikku, and on his journey he encounters the only man to survive the Flood. Two scorpions at the base of Mount Mashu warn him of impending danger, and he has to prove his identity to the tavernkeeper Siduri. He dreams of a meteorite that he is forced to compete with, and has another where he has to fight an axe. A snake consumes the plant he found that would restore his youth, and he is offered the chance to become immortal if he can stay awake for six days and seven nights. His friend dreams of a "house of dust" after they slay the Bull of Heaven sent to kill him after he rejects Ishtar's marriage proposal, and he returns home on a raft of cedar after slaying Humbaba. Identify this King of Uruk and subject of a Babylonian epic.

7. During his lame-duck period, he appointed Nathan Goff, Jr., as Secretary of the Navy to replace Richard Wigginton Thompson, and other members of his cabinet included Secretary of the Interior Carl Schurz and Attorney General Carl Devens. Pozo Colorado is the capital of a department named after him in Paraguay, where he is a national hero, having arbitrated in their favor while president after the War of the Triple Alliance. Congress overrode his veto of the Bland-Allison Act, and he promised not to run for a second term after a supposed bipartisan committee rewarded him 20 disputed electoral votes. Name this 19th president who won a controversial election in 1876 against Democrat Samuel Tilden.

8. This work claims that the words "brotherly love" have led to "the best lying and dissembling" in its section "The Spirit of Gravity," and it called for the creation of new values in the section "Old and New Tables." The most famous quote from this work first appeared in its author's earlier tract The Gay Science, and it discusses the ideas of the "superman" and the "the will to power" and was also the inspiration for a Richard Strauss tone poem. Name this work, in which the title character, an ancient Persian mystic, asserts that "god is dead," written by Friedrich Nietzsche.

9. He wrote an article entitled Report on the Mode of Detecting Vegetable Substances mixed with coffee for the Purpose of Adulteration in 1857, and his work in the field of absorption of hydrogen gas by palladium has been recently made significant by the cold fusion controversy. While a 14-year-old student at Glasgow, he angered his professor by accurately suggesting that when gases are absorbed by liquids they become liquids. Name this man, best known for his equation that states that the rate at which gases diffuse is inversely proportional to the square root of their densities.

Taken from the Hunter quizbowl

Saturday, August 9, 2008

MST3K Of The Week: Werewolf

We may be going on vacation but we cannot resist giving you another dose of MST3K. It's our duty as keepers of the Hem. Today's selection is Werewolf. Note that JOE ESTEVEZ makes a small appearance! Also note the phony accents and changing hairstyles.

What to look for: "Where O Where is My Werewolf". It'll be stuck inside of your brain until the end of time.

Going on Vacation

The Hem needs a rest from the blogging circuit. We'll be back next Saturday to supply your need for knowledge. In the meantime, feel free to check out the rest of the blog. There are a great deal of posts so we are sure that you can find something that meets your fancy.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Have a drink with us

It's friday! The week was hard and life was tough. Isn't it time you had a drink? Today we're drinking absinthe. Don't think you'd like Absinthe? Too bad! It's about time you've tried something new. Absinthe is now legal in the U.S. It was believed at one time to have hallucinogenic properties but today it is believed that it just makes you REALLY drunk.

To start you off, here's a video from on the Absinthe drinking experience. It's a little cut off at the edges, but still very watchable!

As you can see, the drinking of absinthe is not just a simple booze fest but a ritual. Absinthe isn't the easiest thing to down, (we aren't talking Boone's Farm people!) so sugar adds a nice sweetness. The ritual of preparing absinthe looks like this:

Now you're ready to drink! Have fun but do us a favor and take it easy. We don't want you seeing "The Green Faerie" for the rest of the day!

Mormon World Records?

World Records come in all shapes and forms. While looking for some of the best we stumbled across a site that featured MORMON WORLD RECORDS! Not just plain old world records but MORMON ones! In the honor of such a great collection of facts (MORMON facts in fact) today's fact post is dedicated to the amazing world records of our Mormon friends. The following is quoted from this site. We'd like to thank them! Enjoy!

"Largest Fish

Largest Fish. 80-lb. Line. (1988 World Record) In 1988, Nate J. Anderson, a young 13-year-old in the Soldotna Ward, Soldotna Alaska Stake, caught the largest King salmon ever hauled in with 80-lb. test fishing line. The fish weighed in at 71 lb. 4 oz.

Oldest Man to Row Atlantic

(2001 World Record) In October 2000, Richard Jones, a high priest in Sandy, Utah, pushed off from the Canary Islands off the west coast of Africa and rowed across the Atlantic Ocean. His 133 day trip had some close calls with a freighter at night and the U.S. Navy, but otherwise he arrived safely at the Bahamas in February 2001. The trip was record breaking. He became the oldest person ever to row an ocean. He was the first American to row the Atlantic. And, he was the first person ever to row an ocean towards his native country. The total distance rowed by Brother Jones was 4,576 miles.

Greatest Size Difference

Professional basketball player, Shawn Bradley, and his wife Annette, may have the largest difference in height than any other married couple in the church. Between Shawn's 7- foot-6 height and Annette's 5-foot-4, there is a size difference of 26 in.
Highest Flier (1990 World Record) Explorer John Goddard, La Canada, Calif., took the controls of an F-106 and flew it to an altitude of 63,000 ft. (almost 12 miles high), making him the only civilian to pilot an aircraft to that altitude.


Several couples in the Church have had multiple births, including quadruplets and quintuplets. On Sept. 1, 2002, Nichole and Nathan Faylor of the Plum Creek Ward, Austin Texas Oak Hills Stake, gave birth to quintuplets their five babies that weighed from 2 lb. 12 oz. to 4 lb. 5 oz., and were named Joshua, Jonathan, Joseph, Nataleigh, and Cathryn. "