Monday, December 15, 2008
Plotting revenge? Then click here!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Imagine you are in a hospital room as a pregnant woman gives birth. Nurses surround her as her screams and breathing become heavier. The doctor demands her to PUSH and suddenly the baby is thrusted into this world screaming. The nurses take the baby away to clean it as the mother lies back tired. Soon she is presented with her little bundle of life. Happily ever after...for some. For others the idea of being surrounded by machines drugged up as strangers pull their child out of their body is horrifying. They would rather have the experience of childbirth on their own. Enter the unassisted birth movement. Practitioners of unassisted birth give birth without any medical help during the birth. They take in the pain on their own usually in their own home. Many advocates of unassisted birth say that when the mother gives birth on her own she has the opportunity to listen to her own body and lessen her own pain. Opponents of unassisted birth believe that giving birth without medical help is a terrible idea because it puts both the mother and child in danger.
The above video is of a woman named Clio giving unassisted birth. Her husband films as she silently pushes out the baby. It's really a remarkable thing to watch regardless of what one believes. By the way, it features nudity.... so you've been warned.
If you are interested in unassisted birth there is a very interesting website called Born Free that provides a good amount of information on the topic. We're very interested in anyone who has given unassisted birth and has a story that they would like to share. We'd love to post your story on the blog. Send any stories to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Check out the story (complete with pictures!)
Thursday, November 27, 2008
If the Hem was a superhero, flying through the night and ridding the world of everything evil, than the Hem would most certainly be Bob Flanagan. Bob Flanagan not only battled cystic fibrosis, but he was also a key figure in the BDSM world. Bob wrote an amazing poem titled Why , showing his reasonings for being a part of the BDSM culture. This very poem is one that evokes feelings that many of you may find particularly hard to handle and we recommend setting aside some time so you can read the poem over and over again. Bob died in 1996 at the age of 43 from cystic fibrosis. His last years were immortalized in the movie SICK: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist (shown above).
On this Thanksgiving day we find ourselves being thankful for many things, nearing the top of our list has to be Bob Flanagan's amazing facial expressions. When you think of the painful things that are happening below his facial area (he was notorious for nailing his penis to a board) than his expressions become even more interesting. Is he experiencing so much pain that it becomes pleasure? Is he the most amazing human being to have ever lived? Maybe and hell yes! One of Bob's best display of great facial expressions is in the Nine Inch Nails music video "Happiness In Slavery" where Bob is tortured/killed/pleasured by a machine. It hurts so good baby, it hurts so good!! By the way, the following clip shows nudity so..............COVER YOUR EYES CHILDREN!!
WE LOVE YOU BOB!!!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The Hem adores Ripley's Believe It Or Not. We adore it so much that we even took apart our Ripley's page a day calendar and cut out every little factoid. We've put all of these BIONS into a cardboard box that lays in the corner. The only issue we have is that we have absolutely no idea what to do with these. We supposed that it would only be proper to share them with our dear readers. We love you!
- The "Combover" is a U.S. patented invention!
- Cleopatra's eye shadow came from crushed beetles!
- Giraffes are the only animals to have horns from the time of birth!
- It's illegal to pull out weeds by hand in California!
- Mice that drink beer are slightly resistant to chemicals that cause cancer!
- Bolivia's 180 years of Independence have seen over 190 coups!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
On November 11th some Hindus honored the god of destruction Shiva in an extremely painful way. These extremely devoted followers flung themselves into beds of thorns to pay homage to Shiva so that their wishes would come true. This is an extremely interesting (and painful) act of devotion! Were we the only ones who made that painful hissing noise as the followers dove into the pile?
Friday, November 14, 2008
Kitties don't make threats, they make promises. See more here.
Cute, but weird. Weird in the creepy uncle sort of way. They are actually dead, stuffed, and glued together. Are they cute now?
EWWWWWWWWW! It's like they took everything wrong with the world and put it into an animal. They should be our mascot.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Really? There was actually a crying number out there? As if sobbing isn't an awkward enough activity, let's call up a random stranger to sob to! Most of the people on the commercial look like they are passing kidney stones. They need a doctor, not an unsympathetic phone operator!
It's nice to see that the chainsaw wielding murders and the back alley pedophiles are becoming working members of society again. Little Billy always has a friend in the creeps! And for only 2 dollars? Consider it done!
Women's Secret Confessions
Dom Dom. They use Jessica Hahn as a spokesperson! Imagine spending 10 bucks to hear about Jim Bakker's sex life. Urgh.
They're hot, sexy, and Canadian! Help that poor girl! She's having head convulsions! Her head just won't. stop. spinning! Even better is the maple leaf that flies between the girls like some raunchy sign of hardcore phone lovin. ROWSDOWER!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Check out the story
P.S. That has to be our most inappropriately placed picture yet. Sorry happy dancing chicken!
Torment and Death to Homosexuals
By Graciela Rodriguez
Previously appeared in Peligro!,number 313
Translated into English by Loraine Woodward
From Muerte! Death in Mexican Popular Culture
Rene Gonzalez de la Torre had his permanent residence at 228 Nezahualcoyotl St., in the municipality of Texcoco, state of Mexico.
Another similar case is the double murder of Francisco Javier Palomer Pimentel, 35 years of age. He was apparently the owner of the apartment on Thiers 279 apt 13, Polanco (Mexico City), where the double crime took place. We did not have personal information regarding the other homosexual at the time of this writing.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Yes honeys, we're going to be gone a little longer than thought. Our work load can't be contained right now. Once all the smoke has cleared we'll be back with all of our previous greatness! In the meantime, check out this hilarious clip. Happy Late Halloween Everyone!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Did you miss your weekly dose of MST3K? Well we're back with a heaping helping of Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo! In this week's movie you'll meet the coolest luchador to have ever walked the planet! Who can deny the perfect mix of vampire and Lucha Libre? Watch it dearests and let the phoniness fill your hearts and souls!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Even in today’s new desensitized culture there are thousands of cases of offended individuals fighting against what they see as the mass application of violence and sexuality in today’s society. Many would be shocked to see that in places with cultures virtually unknown to our own, death is not nearly as taboo. Case in point: Mexico’s thousand of “tabloid” like publications that present real blood, murder, and carnage. Enter the world of Alarma!, Alarde!, Peligro!, and Insolito!.
While visiting Mexico, a common tourist may be shocked to see that vendors carry the weekly paper Alarma! which clearly represents violence and carnage on the cover. Faces of bloated bodies and virtual bloodbaths horrify the eye, while headlines such as “Massacre!” scare the reader senseless. The magazine features real-life deaths and the criminals who commit them. In the November 16, 1991 issue of Enlace! such a story rings clear with the title of “Macheto A SU MADRE!”
The story tells of a man named Gustavo Guzinan Rios who killed his mother and sister with a machete while in a state of complete drunkenness. Rios claimed he was not repentant. The story is plastered with photos of the dead mother and sister as well as the devious killer. The sister’s body is split in two, organs leaking out through the gash between her two breasts. The scene looks like something you’d see out of a crazed “B” horror movie, not something you’d actually see in real life, but it all is completely utterly true.
These magazines also feature the famed “centerfold” featuring scantily clad women as well as crossword puzzles featuring… scantily clad women. They also have their fair share of deformities, wonders, and miracle cures. The pages of these magazines feature a world not seen by many in the hustle and bustle of today.
Through magazines like these one is faced with Mexico’s high tolerance of death. Death is not a simple happening for these kind, loving people, it is culture. Festivals like the Day of the Dead show how greatly death and its exploits are ingrained in Mexican customs. Alarma is not just some cheap exploitation magazine meant for sickos and despots, but a bible of culture that finds its demographic from young rebellious youth to 70 year old grandmothers.
More Next Week... An article from a Mexican Death Magazine!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
- An uprising at Sobibor when 2o0 inmates rebel against their SS guards. 11 SS guards are killed but 52 inmates survive. Nazis decide to close the place down.
- Marshall Erwin Rommel commits suicide after being accused of involvement in an anti-Hitler plot, he was always one of Hitler's favorites.
- Errol Flynn (who was believed to be a nazi) dies of a heart attack on this day.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Okay, no announcer voice but some great soothing music!
"and now, you always have a place to turn to." The nicest words ever said...ever.
Phony music and flashy animation make this closer cheesetastic!
Good old OEPBS! Anyone else a little creeped out by this one? A little too retro perhaps?
Friday, October 10, 2008
Perhaps these statements were running through the heads of the individuals who thought that it would be NEAT to create personalized romance novels. Yes, personalized romance novels. Who doesn't love seeing their name in the same sentence as spewed beautiful love fluid? What could possibly wrong about taking a childlike approach to a trashy book topic? Personalized romance novels are definitely wrong, but they are wrong in a way that feels so right. Just look at this excerpt from the Hem's personalized preview. We really couldn't think of anyone in particular, so we used the names of child television characters. Let the abomination begin:
"Slowly Big Bird pushed Dora the Explorer back onto the hood of the car, then eased the hem of her dress up until he could feel the soft, sensuous curve of her buttocks. She pressed closer to him, sighing in response, as Big Bird began kissing her neck. “When did you fall in love with me?” he whispered into her ear. Dora the Explorer pulled her head away and looked into his black eyes. “I thought you’d forgotten I told you. With your memory loss after the accident...” “It was the first thing that came back to me.” He smiled and entwined his hand through her black hair. “You said you loved me. I think that’s the only thing I’ve really been able to keep in my head all day.” “I hope you’ll remember it longer than that,” she said jokingly, although her brown-eyed gaze suddenly turned solemn. “Why didn’t you say anything about it earlier?” “I wanted to wait until the time was right.” He kissed her forehead with tenderness and murmured against her skin: “I love you, Dora the Explorer.” Dora the Explorer didn’t respond with words, but met his lips with her own and kissed Big Bird until both were dizzy with longing. Unable to deny their desire any longer, in moments they were naked beneath the blanket. Dora the Explorer leaned forward until she was a breath away and whispered lustfully, “Gentleman, start your engine.”
If you thought that was bad, check out the range of topics you can choose from! From medieval to western, there's a book to soothe your need for hardcore book perversion!
Come on, you know you wanna!
One of the jewels in China's cultural crown, the sprawling complex in the heart of the capital already gets tens of thousands of real-life visitors each day.
But now online tourists can also watch the Qing dynasty emperor feast at dinner, train fighting crickets and feed them with blood-fattened mosquitoes, or practise archery with the help of a courtesan." See the rest here
FIGHTING CRICKETS?! Sign us up!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Yeah we love Bill Nye just as much as you do. His show Bill Nye the Science Guy is fun for the whole family and the man is just supremely amazing. He's the deluxe fun package of science. Apparently, Bill Nye actually has an awesome adult appealing side too. Bill Nye actually aired a program where he talked about...SEX! The Evolution Of Sex, that is. How sweet it is to be loved by Bill Nye!
Check it out!!
Monday, October 6, 2008
It was an unfair attack on the verbiage
That Senator McCain chose to use,
Because the fundamentals,
As he was having to explain afterwards,
He means our workforce.
He means the ingenuity of the American.
And of course that is strong,
And that is the foundation of our economy.
So that was an unfair attack there,
Again based on verbiage.
Bow down to the verbiage. All hockey moms love verbiage. Joe Six-Pack drinks to verbiage. Soccer moms bake brownies for the verbiage. NEVER BEFOUL THE VERBIAGE!
More poems from Palin are here.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
2 1/2 cups boiling water (do not add cold water
Stir boiling water into gelatin. Dissolve completely. Stir in dry-roasted leafhoppers. Pour mixture slowly into 13 x 9 inch pan. Chill at least 3 hours. BLOX will be firm after 1 hour, but may be difficult to remove from pan. Cutting blox: dip bottom pan in warm water 15 seconds to loosen gelatin. Cut shapes with cookie cutters all the way through gelatin. Lift with index finger or metal spatula. If blox stick, dip pan again for a few seconds.
1 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
2 tablespoons skim milk
1/2 cup reduced calorie mayonnaise
1 tablespoon parsley, chopped
1 tablespoon onion, chopped
1 1/2 tsp. dill weed
1 1/2 tsp. Beau Monde
1 cup dry-roasted rootworm beetles
Blend first 3 ingredients. Add remaining ingredients and chill.
1 tsp. oil
3/4 c. water
1/4 c. chopped onions
4 tsp. soy sauce
1/8 tsp. garlic powder
1 c. minute rice
1 c. cooked mealworms
Add water, soy sauce, garlic and onions. Bring to a boil.
Stir in rice. Cover; remove from heat and let stand five minutes
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1 12-ounce chocolate chips
1 cup chopped nuts
1/2 cup dry-roasted crickets
Monday, September 29, 2008
It's definitely a harsh way to get their point across, but hey, that's the CoE! If you wanted flowers and peace you obviously belong somewhere else. With so many organizations that call for loving oneself it's certainly interesting to see one that says what we all think at one time or another... humans really can suck. To sum it all up in the words of Rev. Chris Korda:
"Great Spirit, I am unworthy; My species has disgraced itself. Of all the species that live, or have ever lived, Mine is the lowliest."
Some Sites to Check Out:
P.S. We at the Hem haven't seen much about the CoE lately. If anyone out there is a member we would certainly appreciate some updates!
P.S.S. It's understood that not all of our readers will appreciate the CoE. We're open to any opinions about the subject matter or organizations that you may consider interesting. Much love darlings!
Things You Could Do With 700 BILLION Dollars
- Buy braces for all of the children in France and Great Britain
- Put a bid on Denmark or Iceland
- Buy gas for every adult in America for a year
- Give every person on earth 10 monopoly games
- Buy a Rolex for every woman in the U.S.
- Get 373 basketballs for every child in the United States
- Give a Hummer to everyone living in Cuba (11 million people)
- Purchase 438 pounds of rice for every person in Africa
- Give everyone on this planet $100
- Buy an island in the Caribbean for every person living in South Dakota
- Give all of your spare cash to the Hem.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Insects are constantly in the mood to get down. Isabella Rossellini (Blue Velvet's leading babe) takes the viewer in the world of insect sex in the Sundance Channel show Green Porno. The show is very interesting, a pure work of art on Rossellini's part. She embraces the role of each insect with pure unadulterated passion. Even more interesting is the quiz that Sundance offers as a promotion for the show. It's a series of 24 questions that are supposed to decide what type of insect love sense you have. After taking this quiz, the Hem found that we are apparently horny flies (or players as the sub caption says). We are the prostitutes of the insect world and our self confidence is failing horrifically because of it. Find out your insect porno style here. You might just be a sexually deviant 6 legged critter too!
Friday, September 26, 2008
This is an amazing rant. A beautiful girl tells the world what she thinks of being fat and does a damn good job at doing it too. We give this one an A++ because fat chiccas are some of the coolest beings out there (it's about time someone said it). Kisses darlings!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Yeah, you've heard all about the PETA/Ben and Jerry's breast milk fiasco. Don't worry, your favorite ice cream won't be tasting of mother's milk anytime soon. The most interesting thing we could find about this already used up story is the fact that the price of breast milk is always brought up by people who have commented on these videos. Many worry that the price of breast milk is too high. Here's the real dilemma, how much does breast milk actually cost? Is there a milk bank somewhere that the rest of the world is unaware of? Apparently yes. The sale of breast milk is becoming quite popular online. The average price of the motherly love seems to be $2-3 an ounce. Who knew the children of America were sucking on milky goldmines? Throw out the usual chateau haut brion, we're sipping breast juice tonight!
Special thanks to sacred-texts.com!
Monday, September 22, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
Friday, September 19, 2008
- In the New World pirates had the first democratic system.
- Although very feared, Blackbeard only terrorized the seven seas for one year.
- Pirate ships usually had about eighty people aboard.
- A pirate captain's cabin was open to any one on the ship.
- Pirates had the first insurance plan in the New World.
- The ship's pilot (the steerer) was actually the true leader of the ship, not the captain.
- The Jolly Roger flag was not the universal flag of all pirates. Each ship had a different flag of its own.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Interested? Here are a few of our favorite sites:
The VCL-Great art by a wonderful assortment of artists. Many of these pics are NSFW but some are perfectly PG.
Artvark- Anthro art that is safe anywhere as well as beautiful pictures of animals in general.
Draw Furry- Learn how to draw anthro art!
Ringsurf's Celebration of Anthropomorphic Art- A site with plenty of links to other Anthro art sites.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Just when you thought it was safe to live in Wisconsin, a movie like Giant Spider Invasion comes along. Never before has an episode of MST3K inspired so much confused fear (where the hell did the spiders come from again?). REMEMBER... stay away from those goddamn diamond rocks kids! They could be the start of GIGANTIC eight legged terrors!!!
What to look for: The random outbursts of "Go Packers!". WOOO!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
The Hem would like to send out their love and blessings to the loved ones of 9-11 victims and the victims themselves as well as the countless number of those who died trying to save innocent lives. We'll always adore and admire your courage and heart during such horrid times.
To all of our great readers: Please have your own personal brief moment of silence in honor of such true heroes, they really deserve it.
It is quite clear that the whole "Leave Britany Alone" thing is so last year. Even so, that was a damn good rant. In the interest of saving you from something you've already seen millions of times, we've decided to give you Seth Green's take on things. Leave him the hell alone for christsakes!
We give this rant a solid B for consistant eye liner reapplication and the plugging of Robot Chicken (BAWWWK)!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
- Tall Clubs International Scholarship- $1,000 to Males 6'2 and taller and females 5'10 and taller.
- The Duck Brand Duct Tape Scholarship- 6,000 for the lucky couple who makes the best prom outfit out of duct tape.
- The American Welding Society Scholarships
- Ayn Rand Scholarship- Read The Fountainhead, write a winning essay, and win 10,000. You just have to pick up the book without bursting into flames.
- The Klingon language institute- gives $500 to a person studying language.
- Tylenol Scholarship
- Scholarship for left-handed students
- The Sunsport Gardens Family Naturist Resort Scholarship- $1,000 to those who have been in a nudist group for more than 3 years.
- Duck Calling Scholarship
- All-American Apple Pie Scholarship
Monday, September 8, 2008
The Almighty Hem had a damn good cheeseburger today topped with damn good kosher dill slices. With just one bite of cheesy, crunchy, meaty goodness came the great idea about an expose into the world's favorite putrid veggie, the pickle.
The pickle is very much embeded into our culture but few know how it's made. The greatly intelligent people at the Exploratorium explain it like this: "What makes a pickle a pickle? On a most general level, pickles are foods soaked in solutions that help prevent spoilage. There are two basic categories of pickles. The first type includes pickles preserved in vinegar, a strong acid in which few bacteria can survive. Most of the bottled kosher cucumber pickles available in the supermarket are preserved in vinegar. " Read the rest of the article here. Exploratorium even has a cute little game where you can create the perfect pickle!
Pickles come in all types of categories like:
Gherkins- Small and sweet.
Kosher Dills- Can still be prepared without the supervision of a rabbi and be called kosher. We're guessing pickles get special rights.
Polish- The fancy pickles. Come prepared in a salt brine with the mustard and dill still in the bottle. Some even come with pickled peppers (picked by peter).
Bread and Butter- Pickled with a high concentration of sugar. The result is a sweet treat (in pickle terms).
Where would a pickle blurb be without our favorite pickles?
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Give em' a visit!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Dive into the Madness!!
Special thanks to the 365 Days Project!!
Monday, September 1, 2008
You may have not had contact with one of these amazing collectables since you were a kid, but Wacky Packages are still in circulation and selling strong. Wacky Packages are basically card sized sticker parodies of popular items. The great thing about these parodies is that they are actually funny. Wacky Packages lack the age limit that most trading cards have. They are perfect mirrors of the time we live in. Here's an example of what a card may look like:
Not every Wacky Package is just a sticker. There are some packs which feature special edition window graphics and tattoos. Every Wacky Package is sold in a blind pack so you never really know what you are going to get. Once you collect enough, you may even be able to mark off your checklist with a feeling of unadultrated pride. Wacky Packages are one of the only addictions that won't leave you completely broke or in rehab. So what are you waiting for? COLLECT THEM ALL!!
Here are some very helpful links about the great Wacky Packages:
The Wacky Packages Webpages- A great source for buying and selling the packages as well as seeing any new releases.
The official Wacky Packages site- For fans of the more recent wackies. Lots of cute games also!
Damn you Trebek! With today being a holiday we have to supply you with some sort of Jeopardy! trivia. Today's catagory is Lipstick Jungle. Answers are posted tomorrow.
1.Tarte makes a dual-ended lip gloss named for this romantic pair, swingin' in the jungle since 1912
2.Sephora.com describes its "Sexy Jungle" lipstick as a "cool toffee shade of" this
3. Type of African trip whose name precedes "Blaze" in the name of a Laura Geller lipstick
4.Iman named one of her company's lipstick shades for this wildcat that's also a luxury car
5.Sultry, Hot & Passionate (Excuse me--I need to cool down) are just 3 of the shades in this co.'s Lipfinity line
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Canada is a great setting for really horrible movies. This is especially true if said movie is The Final Sacrifice. Full of the usual 80s bad hair (the movie was made in the 90s, go figure!) and horrific acting, this movie has become one of our favorite MST3Ks to date. ROWSDOWER!
What to look for: "Knew him? He was delicious!"
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Queen of drag and filth, Divine was the first to be disgusting while wearing loads of make-up and tight dresses. She was pure fabulous. To this day no one can spew out a rant like her or fire a gun with such class. Divine was the most unique drag queen who ever lived. Who else could smile those pearly whites while eating dog shit? We love you Divine!