Monday, September 29, 2008

People Are Parasites: The Church of Euthanasia

Suicide, abortion, cannibalism, and sodomy are not subjects one would ever associate with a church. That is unless said church is the Church of Euthanasia. The Church of Euthanasia (CoE) holds these four principals as its pillars of faith, seeing them as a Christian would see the Ten Commandments. Started by musician Chris Korda (shown above), the church's main commandment is "Thou Shall Not Procreate". The CoE does whatever it takes to highlight the overpopulation problems that plague the Earth. From protesting pro-life rallies with crucified blow up dolls to posting videos of the attacks on the world trade center paired with porn, the CoE never fails to shock the hell out of America. Just look at this lovely photo of a church billboard:

It's definitely a harsh way to get their point across, but hey, that's the CoE! If you wanted flowers and peace you obviously belong somewhere else. With so many organizations that call for loving oneself it's certainly interesting to see one that says what we all think at one time or another... humans really can suck. To sum it all up in the words of Rev. Chris Korda:

"Great Spirit, I am unworthy; My species has disgraced itself. Of all the species that live, or have ever lived, Mine is the lowliest."

Some Sites to Check Out:

The church's website

The church's Wikipage

P.S. We at the Hem haven't seen much about the CoE lately. If anyone out there is a member we would certainly appreciate some updates!

P.S.S. It's understood that not all of our readers will appreciate the CoE. We're open to any opinions about the subject matter or organizations that you may consider interesting. Much love darlings!

Money, Money, Money: The Things You Can Do With 700 BILLION Dollars

The Bailout plan was turned down in the House today. Maybe those curious politicians got a look at our little list of.......

Things You Could Do With 700 BILLION Dollars

  • Buy braces for all of the children in France and Great Britain
  • Put a bid on Denmark or Iceland
  • Buy gas for every adult in America for a year
  • Give every person on earth 10 monopoly games
  • Buy a Rolex for every woman in the U.S.
  • Get 373 basketballs for every child in the United States
  • Give a Hummer to everyone living in Cuba (11 million people)
  • Purchase 438 pounds of rice for every person in Africa
  • Give everyone on this planet $100
  • Buy an island in the Caribbean for every person living in South Dakota
  • Give all of your spare cash to the Hem.




Saturday, September 27, 2008

Green Porno: Insects Are Hot Too!

Insects are constantly in the mood to get down. Isabella Rossellini (Blue Velvet's leading babe) takes the viewer in the world of insect sex in the Sundance Channel show Green Porno. The show is very interesting, a pure work of art on Rossellini's part. She embraces the role of each insect with pure unadulterated passion. Even more interesting is the quiz that Sundance offers as a promotion for the show. It's a series of 24 questions that are supposed to decide what type of insect love sense you have. After taking this quiz, the Hem found that we are apparently horny flies (or players as the sub caption says). We are the prostitutes of the insect world and our self confidence is failing horrifically because of it. Find out your insect porno style here. You might just be a sexually deviant 6 legged critter too!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Rant Of The Week: Fat Rant!!

This is an amazing rant. A beautiful girl tells the world what she thinks of being fat and does a damn good job at doing it too. We give this one an A++ because fat chiccas are some of the coolest beings out there (it's about time someone said it). Kisses darlings!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

PETA Always Saves the Breast For Last!

Yeah, you've heard all about the PETA/Ben and Jerry's breast milk fiasco. Don't worry, your favorite ice cream won't be tasting of mother's milk anytime soon. The most interesting thing we could find about this already used up story is the fact that the price of breast milk is always brought up by people who have commented on these videos. Many worry that the price of breast milk is too high. Here's the real dilemma, how much does breast milk actually cost? Is there a milk bank somewhere that the rest of the world is unaware of? Apparently yes. The sale of breast milk is becoming quite popular online. The average price of the motherly love seems to be $2-3 an ounce. Who knew the children of America were sucking on milky goldmines? Throw out the usual chateau haut brion, we're sipping breast juice tonight!

Tis A Strange, Strange World!

The world is absolutely INSANE. Charles Fort is one of the few gifted human beings to have ever understood this concept. He understood it so well, in fact, that he profited off of it. Fort is best known for his books on the paranormal. The word fortean meaning strange or unexplained phenomena is actually derived from his name. Fort is certainly a model Samaritan in the world of the weird. In honor of such greatness today's post is dedicated to one of his most famous works, The Book of the Damned. This book focuses on strange occurrences such as UFOs and various objects raining from the sky. It's been read by scholars and crackpots alike and now it is free for you (our faithful readers) to devour. Enjoy!

Special thanks to!

Monday, September 22, 2008

The Incredible Edible Leigh Bowery

You are walking down a hot street. The sun beats down on your flaming skull as you drag yourself through another day in the indifferent city. You find yourself passing by the same boring flies on the asses of humanity as you make your way through the winding corridors of urban living. Cast down, you make yourself completely oblivious to the world around you. It seems like the average weekday afternoon.... until you see a gigantic cloth covered humanoid walking your way. A humanoid with bright red lips, a tall frame, and a gaudy dress to boot. You watch in shock as the head to toe fabric explosion passes by you, swaying with the sounds of the street. What the hell? Are you under the influence of some new psychedelic? Has god decided to play a trick on your poor soul? Nope. You've been officially touched by the genius of Leigh Bowery.

Leigh Bowery is perhaps the most fabulous thing to have ever come out of Australia (sorry kangas, you lose). When he was a boy he loved to sew and talk gossip with his mother's friends. Bowery took his talent for sewing as well as his gift for gab to London in 1980. There he would blossom from a nobody to the stunning work of art that he is known for today. He plunged himself into a polysexual play land with tantalizing designs and bizarre feminine outerwear. In 1985 he started a uproarious jungle of a nightclub named Taboo. There Bowery would flaunt in his new styles, dance hyperactivity, and randomly embarrass everyone he met. His energy and love for life pushed his work onto the masses. Soon he became the centerfold for everything awe worthy and strange. He was not the artist, he was the art. His work soon reached other areas such as music and even dance. It seemed as if nothing could stop his booming career. Nothing, that is, but the hand of death itself.
Bowery's personal life mirrored much of what his art represented. He was known for odd trysts with odd individuals. Sex was the unexplored playground that he longed to run merrily in. Sadly, his experimental lifestyle eventually caught up with him. On December 31, 1994 he died of AIDS, he was only 33. The inspiration he brought to this world lives on forever in the works of artists such as Boy George and The Scissor Sisters who defy the laws of culture and taste alike. Leigh Bowery was a legend in his own right, a towering inferno above the skies of conformity. With one look at his maniacal painted face one can see that same conviction that lied in his bright booming eyes so long ago. It's a conviction that says Goddammit, I'm going to flaunt this dress and you are going to fucking love it baby!, it's a conviction that starts miracles, it's a conviction that makes infants cry, it's a conviction that could only belong to the chemical waterfall that is Leigh Bowery.

100th Post....Post

It's the Hem's 100th post! Celebrate with us! Drink, laugh, dance, and be merry! Come on! Woo hoo!

Weird TV For All

Egad, it seems that this program may be even weirder than we are!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Damn It Feels Great To Be A Nurse!

Just a little clue about an article that may just come on this very website. Who knows?

I am, I am, I am: The Sylvia Plath Effect


I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see, I swallow immediately.
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike
I am not cruel, only truthful –
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake.A woman bends over me.
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

-Sylvia Plath

That was the last poem that writer Sylvia Plath wrote before she died. On that cold February morning she left out breakfast for her children, sealed the kitchen with wet towels, and placed her head in the oven. She was only thirty years old. Even so, her mark on the poetic world can still be seen today in the form of books and movies. She also serves as a muse to many poets and people who suffer from mental illnesses. Her influence has lead to a psychological theory called The Sylvia Plath Effect. In 2001 psychologist James Kaufman discovered that creative writers and poets (especially those that are female) are more likely to suffer from mental illnesses than workers in any other profession. Although this theory is seen as sham by many individuals, there is no arguing that many creative writers and poets have committed suicide and suffered from mental illness in the past. Here are two writers who may have proven this point:

Virgina Woolf

Virgina Woolf is a prime example of the Sylvia Plath Effect. She had a nervous breakdown
at the age of 13 after her mother died. Her father died shortly afterwards, leaving her in a complete state of mental duress that put her into an institution. On March 28, 1941 she filled her pockets with rocks and drowned in the River Ouse. Before the suicide she had suffered from yet another nervous breakdown. In her final note to her husband she wrote, "I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been."

Sara Teasdale

I Shall Not Care
When I am dead and over me bright April
Shakes out her rain-drenched hair,
Though you should lean above me broken-hearted,
I shall not care.
I shall have peace, as leafy trees are peaceful
When rain bends down the bough,
And I shall be more silent and cold-hearted
Than you are now.
-Sara Teasdale
Sara Teasdale died when she took an overdose of sleeping pills. An urban legend states that the poem above was written by a bitter Teasdale as a suicide note to a former flame. This legend is certainly false (the poem was actually published 18 years after her death). Teasdale's suicide is interesting because it was preceded by the suicide of her very close friend Vachel Lindsay who died by drinking Lysol. Lindsay was also a writer. Was this the effect proving itself once again?
Another suicide that is of much note (but has nothing to do with the effect) is the death of Assia Wevill. Wevill had an affair with Sylvia Plath's husband Ted Hughes. In 1969 Wevill and her daughter died after Wevill took their lives in a way that was shockingly similar to the way Sylvia Plath died. Wevill laid down with her sleeping child, blocked off all doors and windows, and turned on the gas stove. Her death is another haunting reminder of the legacy of the great Sylvia Plath.
The life of a writer is a hard one. Being a writer requires one to dig deep inside themselves and sometimes also requires a great deal of pain. So the next time you read the poems of Sara Teasdale or a Virginia Woolf novel, shed a tear for these great women who suffered for their amazing work.

Friday, September 19, 2008


Arrgg! Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day. In honor of such a great hollerday, here be some facts about these great lollygaggers.

  • In the New World pirates had the first democratic system.
  • Although very feared, Blackbeard only terrorized the seven seas for one year.
  • Pirate ships usually had about eighty people aboard.
  • A pirate captain's cabin was open to any one on the ship.
  • Pirates had the first insurance plan in the New World.
  • The ship's pilot (the steerer) was actually the true leader of the ship, not the captain.
  • The Jolly Roger flag was not the universal flag of all pirates. Each ship had a different flag of its own.



Thursday, September 18, 2008

That's Always Good to Know!

Hey! Anthropomorphic Art Is Pretty Cool!

No darlings, this post is not about furries. That is for another post, another time. This post is about anthropomorphic art. Anthropomorphic is defined as "ascribing human form or attributes to a being or thing not human" ( In this case we are talking about animals. Anthropomorphic art is an interesting because many of the artists who create it are relatively unknown and VERY, VERY good at what they are doing. We've seen some anthropomorphic art that would make any professional bow their head in shame and cry a tear of sadness. We've also seen some anthropomorphic art that would make Larry Flynt blush. Needless to say, there are animals of all kinds participating in many different activites in many of these works of art. Art wouldn't be art if there wasn't something different and/or risque about it!

Interested? Here are a few of our favorite sites:

The VCL-Great art by a wonderful assortment of artists. Many of these pics are NSFW but some are perfectly PG.

Artvark- Anthro art that is safe anywhere as well as beautiful pictures of animals in general.

Draw Furry- Learn how to draw anthro art!

Ringsurf's Celebration of Anthropomorphic Art- A site with plenty of links to other Anthro art sites.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Of Ghosties and Goulies...

Blogging usually only inspires fear when you stumble upon squid rape porn just as the family decides to pay you a surprise visit. We at the Hem never really expected something to jump out and scare us. That is untill we stumbled upon a little picture of a certain Rosewood Center in Owings Mills, Maryland. Rosewood Center was a psychiatric hospital Some of the buildings are active, yet some are abandoned. Rosewood is the sort of place your older brother scared you with when you were little. Folklore about its past (mostly stories of patient abuse and ghosts) are widespread in the community. Bottom line... this place is EXTREMELY creepy. Even creepier, however, are the photos that urban spelunkers have taken of this abandoned wonderland. Each portray the place as a mix of horror and serenity. Some even reveal a few scary things ment to haunt the future. This picture is one of those future haunting glimpses into the unknown. It sure looks simple at first, but hit the zoom button and highlight the right window and wait for the terror to begin. This picture has something special waiting for you! We here at the Hem hope that this find frightens you as much as it did us! Happy Spelunking!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

MST3K Of The Week: Giant Spider Invasion

Just when you thought it was safe to live in Wisconsin, a movie like Giant Spider Invasion comes along. Never before has an episode of MST3K inspired so much confused fear (where the hell did the spiders come from again?). REMEMBER... stay away from those goddamn diamond rocks kids! They could be the start of GIGANTIC eight legged terrors!!!

What to look for: The random outbursts of "Go Packers!". WOOO!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

September 11th

The Hem would like to send out their love and blessings to the loved ones of 9-11 victims and the victims themselves as well as the countless number of those who died trying to save innocent lives. We'll always adore and admire your courage and heart during such horrid times.

To all of our great readers: Please have your own personal brief moment of silence in honor of such true heroes, they really deserve it.

The Hem


It is quite clear that the whole "Leave Britany Alone" thing is so last year. Even so, that was a damn good rant. In the interest of saving you from something you've already seen millions of times, we've decided to give you Seth Green's take on things. Leave him the hell alone for christsakes!

We give this rant a solid B for consistant eye liner reapplication and the plugging of Robot Chicken (BAWWWK)!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

School Daze: The Weirdest Scholarships Out There

Summer's over kiddies. Back to school with you all! As many children are stressing out over homework this year many high school seniors are stressing out about homework and a decision that will set the course for their entire College may be a great place to find your inner human being, but it is extremely expensive (extremely fucking expensive!). The only way many teens can find money is through a little big thing called scholarships. Most of the scholarships out there are for two things only 1. Academics or 2. Athletics. Not smart or athletic? Well don't you fret little one, today there are some scholarships out there that are completely zany and cover weirdos of all types. Today's post is dedicated to just that. Here's an ode to all of those scholarships that make us scratch our head and say, who the hell thought of that?

  • Tall Clubs International Scholarship- $1,000 to Males 6'2 and taller and females 5'10 and taller.

  • The Duck Brand Duct Tape Scholarship- 6,000 for the lucky couple who makes the best prom outfit out of duct tape.

  • The American Welding Society Scholarships

  • Ayn Rand Scholarship- Read The Fountainhead, write a winning essay, and win 10,000. You just have to pick up the book without bursting into flames.

  • The Klingon language institute- gives $500 to a person studying language.

  • Tylenol Scholarship

  • Scholarship for left-handed students

  • The Sunsport Gardens Family Naturist Resort Scholarship- $1,000 to those who have been in a nudist group for more than 3 years.

  • Duck Calling Scholarship

  • All-American Apple Pie Scholarship

Monday, September 8, 2008

French AIDS Awareness Campaign

Keep away from the creepy crawlies and dying wonder women, use protection!


The Almighty Hem had a damn good cheeseburger today topped with damn good kosher dill slices. With just one bite of cheesy, crunchy, meaty goodness came the great idea about an expose into the world's favorite putrid veggie, the pickle.

The pickle is very much embeded into our culture but few know how it's made. The greatly intelligent people at the Exploratorium explain it like this: "What makes a pickle a pickle? On a most general level, pickles are foods soaked in solutions that help prevent spoilage. There are two basic categories of pickles. The first type includes pickles preserved in vinegar, a strong acid in which few bacteria can survive. Most of the bottled kosher cucumber pickles available in the supermarket are preserved in vinegar. " Read the rest of the article here. Exploratorium even has a cute little game where you can create the perfect pickle!

Pickles come in all types of categories like:

Gherkins- Small and sweet.

Kosher Dills- Can still be prepared without the supervision of a rabbi and be called kosher. We're guessing pickles get special rights.

Polish- The fancy pickles. Come prepared in a salt brine with the mustard and dill still in the bottle. Some even come with pickled peppers (picked by peter).

Bread and Butter- Pickled with a high concentration of sugar. The result is a sweet treat (in pickle terms).

Where would a pickle blurb be without our favorite pickles?

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Wonder Woman Gets A Makeover

Tired of the thin, boring old wonder woman? The folks at The Big Beautiful Wonder Woman blog feel your pain. BBWW features the work of many talented artists who focus on creating a fat wonder woman. The result is not really what you would expect. Some of the art is extremely ugly while other works are better than the real thing. Move over skinny bitches and let the big girls through!

Give em' a visit!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Music Finds: Joe Aufricht

Straight from the depths of the underword comes Joe Aufricht. Failed satanist and all over hilarious lyric writer, Joe is the guy next door if the guy next door is an all over horn dog. Joe's work is more disturbing than a wrinkled old man in a speedo sunbathing on your front lawn with cooking oil. Be prepared to laugh, ponder, and scratch your head with utter confusion. Just don't say we didn't warn you!

Dive into the Madness!!

Special thanks to the 365 Days Project!!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Caruso Responds To The Last Post!!!

Now that wasn't very nice!


song chart memes

Shatner? Caruso? Never!


Wacky Packages: A Brief Card Blurb

You may have not had contact with one of these amazing collectables since you were a kid, but Wacky Packages are still in circulation and selling strong. Wacky Packages are basically card sized sticker parodies of popular items. The great thing about these parodies is that they are actually funny. Wacky Packages lack the age limit that most trading cards have. They are perfect mirrors of the time we live in. Here's an example of what a card may look like:

Not every Wacky Package is just a sticker. There are some packs which feature special edition window graphics and tattoos. Every Wacky Package is sold in a blind pack so you never really know what you are going to get. Once you collect enough, you may even be able to mark off your checklist with a feeling of unadultrated pride. Wacky Packages are one of the only addictions that won't leave you completely broke or in rehab. So what are you waiting for? COLLECT THEM ALL!!

Here are some very helpful links about the great Wacky Packages:

The Wacky Packages Webpages- A great source for buying and selling the packages as well as seeing any new releases.

The official Wacky Packages site- For fans of the more recent wackies. Lots of cute games also!

The Wikipedia page

What is Trivia...Anyone?

Damn you Trebek! With today being a holiday we have to supply you with some sort of Jeopardy! trivia. Today's catagory is Lipstick Jungle. Answers are posted tomorrow.

1.Tarte makes a dual-ended lip gloss named for this romantic pair, swingin' in the jungle since 1912 describes its "Sexy Jungle" lipstick as a "cool toffee shade of" this

3. Type of African trip whose name precedes "Blaze" in the name of a Laura Geller lipstick

4.Iman named one of her company's lipstick shades for this wildcat that's also a luxury car

5.Sultry, Hot & Passionate (Excuse me--I need to cool down) are just 3 of the shades in this co.'s Lipfinity line