Sorry that the Hem has been offline for such a long time folks! You see, I was recently broken up with (in public I may add) and the embarassing "in public" tears flew. I was also completely floored. It's hard not to think about revenge after a deed like that one. Enter Revenge Lady.com- the best site for all things revenge related. I've been on there forever just trying to make myself feel better. The "cheated on" stories are especially heart warming!Imagine you are in a hospital room as a pregnant woman gives birth. Nurses surround her as her screams and breathing become heavier. The doctor demands her to PUSH and suddenly the baby is thrusted into this world screaming. The nurses take the baby away to clean it as the mother lies back tired. Soon she is presented with her little bundle of life. Happily ever after...for some. For others the idea of being surrounded by machines drugged up as strangers pull their child out of their body is horrifying. They would rather have the experience of childbirth on their own. Enter the unassisted birth movement. Practitioners of unassisted birth give birth without any medical help during the birth. They take in the pain on their own usually in their own home. Many advocates of unassisted birth say that when the mother gives birth on her own she has the opportunity to listen to her own body and lessen her own pain. Opponents of unassisted birth believe that giving birth without medical help is a terrible idea because it puts both the mother and child in danger.
The above video is of a woman named Clio giving unassisted birth. Her husband films as she silently pushes out the baby. It's really a remarkable thing to watch regardless of what one believes. By the way, it features nudity.... so you've been warned.
If you are interested in unassisted birth there is a very interesting website called Born Free that provides a good amount of information on the topic. We're very interested in anyone who has given unassisted birth and has a story that they would like to share. We'd love to post your story on the blog. Send any stories to psycheofaphrodite@gmail.com.
Scared yet? You should be. Behind that clock is the largest god forsaken spider that the world has ever seen in anyone's household. Imagine innocently looking up to see the time and being confronted by four huge legs ready to burst out from underneath your clock. Look if you dare and see the monstrosity that lies beneath!!
Oh life! One minute you're a bouncing 20 month year old playing with your siblings and the next you're storing mommy and daddy's keys in your skull. Lucky for this young chap he made a full recovery. The x-rays show just how horrible the whole incident was! Ouch little man!If the Hem was a superhero, flying through the night and ridding the world of everything evil, than the Hem would most certainly be Bob Flanagan. Bob Flanagan not only battled cystic fibrosis, but he was also a key figure in the BDSM world. Bob wrote an amazing poem titled Why , showing his reasonings for being a part of the BDSM culture. This very poem is one that evokes feelings that many of you may find particularly hard to handle and we recommend setting aside some time so you can read the poem over and over again. Bob died in 1996 at the age of 43 from cystic fibrosis. His last years were immortalized in the movie SICK: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist (shown above).
On this Thanksgiving day we find ourselves being thankful for many things, nearing the top of our list has to be Bob Flanagan's amazing facial expressions. When you think of the painful things that are happening below his facial area (he was notorious for nailing his penis to a board) than his expressions become even more interesting. Is he experiencing so much pain that it becomes pleasure? Is he the most amazing human being to have ever lived? Maybe and hell yes! One of Bob's best display of great facial expressions is in the Nine Inch Nails music video "Happiness In Slavery" where Bob is tortured/killed/pleasured by a machine. It hurts so good baby, it hurts so good!! By the way, the following clip shows nudity so..............COVER YOUR EYES CHILDREN!!
WE LOVE YOU BOB!!!
On November 11th some Hindus honored the god of destruction Shiva in an extremely painful way. These extremely devoted followers flung themselves into beds of thorns to pay homage to Shiva so that their wishes would come true. This is an extremely interesting (and painful) act of devotion! Were we the only ones who made that painful hissing noise as the followers dove into the pile?
Kitties don't make threats, they make promises. See more here.
Cute
Cute, but weird. Weird in the creepy uncle sort of way. They are actually dead, stuffed, and glued together. Are they cute now?
Evil
A tanker truck spilled chicken blood from one end of the town of St. Mary's, Ontario to the other. There was literally a river of chicken blood flooding the streets! What we here at the Hem really want to know is, why is there a tanker filled with chicken blood? Hmmm, now that's weird. (enter conspiracy theory here)
Yes honeys, we're going to be gone a little longer than thought. Our work load can't be contained right now. Once all the smoke has cleared we'll be back with all of our previous greatness! In the meantime, check out this hilarious clip. Happy Late Halloween Everyone!
The world loves personalized junk. Remember those cute personalized licence plates your aunt used to give you every time she came back from her vacation to Florida? The ones that just scream: I really was drunk my entire vacation and didn't think of getting you a souvenir at all! Here's a cheap piece of sweatshop molded plastic with your name on it that I happened to find at the last minute! Boy that was great! Personalized crap is as American as apple pie!
"Culture fans thousands of miles from Beijing can now visit its famous Forbidden City, through a three dimensional recreation of the vast palace that also allows them to dress up as an imperial eunuch and meet a courtesan.
"Befoulers of the Verbiage"
Nuclear wars are pretty scary (right up there with spiders and such) but paranoia about this subject has calmed a bit since the years of the Cold War. It's hard to believe that there was a time when the whole world ate itself alive over something that would never happen. The BBC recently released a special transcript that was to be read in case of a nuclear attack. You can find the transcript here. This transcript was released in the 1970s and has that cute little touch of nostalgia that makes you want to scream what the hell was wrong with us? We heavily doubt that nuclear war wouldn't wipe out the BBC as well as the rest of the world regardless of fallout shelters. Are all newscasters surrounded by an invisible field that protects them from nuclear arms? Are the only things that survive nuclear war cockroaches, Cher, and the BBC? Perhaps we will never know, but we do know one thing: Harry Shearer does a damn good Walter Cronkite!
Suicide, abortion, cannibalism, and sodomy are not subjects one would ever associate with a church. That is unless said church is the Church of Euthanasia. The Church of Euthanasia (CoE) holds these four principals as its pillars of faith, seeing them as a Christian would see the Ten Commandments. Started by musician Chris Korda (shown above), the church's main commandment is "Thou Shall Not Procreate". The CoE does whatever it takes to highlight the overpopulation problems that plague the Earth. From protesting pro-life rallies with crucified blow up dolls to posting videos of the attacks on the world trade center paired with porn, the CoE never fails to shock the hell out of America. Just look at this lovely photo of a church billboard: 
It's definitely a harsh way to get their point across, but hey, that's the CoE! If you wanted flowers and peace you obviously belong somewhere else. With so many organizations that call for loving oneself it's certainly interesting to see one that says what we all think at one time or another... humans really can suck. To sum it all up in the words of Rev. Chris Korda:
"Great Spirit, I am unworthy; My species has disgraced itself. Of all the species that live, or have ever lived, Mine is the lowliest."
Some Sites to Check Out:
P.S. We at the Hem haven't seen much about the CoE lately. If anyone out there is a member we would certainly appreciate some updates!
P.S.S. It's understood that not all of our readers will appreciate the CoE. We're open to any opinions about the subject matter or organizations that you may consider interesting. Much love darlings!
The Bailout plan was turned down in the House today. Maybe those curious politicians got a look at our little list of.......Things You Could Do With 700 BILLION Dollars
This is an amazing rant. A beautiful girl tells the world what she thinks of being fat and does a damn good job at doing it too. We give this one an A++ because fat chiccas are some of the coolest beings out there (it's about time someone said it). Kisses darlings!
Yeah, you've heard all about the PETA/Ben and Jerry's breast milk fiasco. Don't worry, your favorite ice cream won't be tasting of mother's milk anytime soon. The most interesting thing we could find about this already used up story is the fact that the price of breast milk is always brought up by people who have commented on these videos. Many worry that the price of breast milk is too high. Here's the real dilemma, how much does breast milk actually cost? Is there a milk bank somewhere that the rest of the world is unaware of? Apparently yes. The sale of breast milk is becoming quite popular online. The average price of the motherly love seems to be $2-3 an ounce. Who knew the children of America were sucking on milky goldmines? Throw out the usual chateau haut brion, we're sipping breast juice tonight!
The world is absolutely INSANE. Charles Fort is one of the few gifted human beings to have ever understood this concept. He understood it so well, in fact, that he profited off of it. Fort is best known for his books on the paranormal. The word fortean meaning strange or unexplained phenomena is actually derived from his name. Fort is certainly a model Samaritan in the world of the weird. In honor of such greatness today's post is dedicated to one of his most famous works, The Book of the Damned. This book focuses on strange occurrences such as UFOs and various objects raining from the sky. It's been read by scholars and crackpots alike and now it is free for you (our faithful readers) to devour. Enjoy!
Arrgg! Today be Talk Like a Pirate Day. In honor of such a great hollerday, here be some facts about these great lollygaggers.
No darlings, this post is not about furries. That is for another post, another time. This post is about anthropomorphic art. Anthropomorphic is defined as "ascribing human form or attributes to a being or thing not human" (dictionary.com). In this case we are talking about animals. Anthropomorphic art is an interesting because many of the artists who create it are relatively unknown and VERY, VERY good at what they are doing. We've seen some anthropomorphic art that would make any professional bow their head in shame and cry a tear of sadness. We've also seen some anthropomorphic art that would make Larry Flynt blush. Needless to say, there are animals of all kinds participating in many different activites in many of these works of art. Art wouldn't be art if there wasn't something different and/or risque about it!
Blogging usually only inspires fear when you stumble upon squid rape porn just as the family decides to pay you a surprise visit. We at the Hem never really expected something to jump out and scare us. That is untill we stumbled upon a little picture of a certain Rosewood Center in Owings Mills, Maryland. Rosewood Center was a psychiatric hospital Some of the buildings are active, yet some are abandoned. Rosewood is the sort of place your older brother scared you with when you were little. Folklore about its past (mostly stories of patient abuse and ghosts) are widespread in the community. Bottom line... this place is EXTREMELY creepy. Even creepier, however, are the photos that urban spelunkers have taken of this abandoned wonderland. Each portray the place as a mix of horror and serenity. Some even reveal a few scary things ment to haunt the future. This picture is one of those future haunting glimpses into the unknown. It sure looks simple at first, but hit the zoom button and highlight the right window and wait for the terror to begin. This picture has something special waiting for you! We here at the Hem hope that this find frightens you as much as it did us! Happy Spelunking!
Just when you thought it was safe to live in Wisconsin, a movie like Giant Spider Invasion comes along. Never before has an episode of MST3K inspired so much confused fear (where the hell did the spiders come from again?). REMEMBER... stay away from those goddamn diamond rocks kids! They could be the start of GIGANTIC eight legged terrors!!!
What to look for: The random outbursts of "Go Packers!". WOOO!
It is quite clear that the whole "Leave Britany Alone" thing is so last year. Even so, that was a damn good rant. In the interest of saving you from something you've already seen millions of times, we've decided to give you Seth Green's take on things. Leave him the hell alone for christsakes!
We give this rant a solid B for consistant eye liner reapplication and the plugging of Robot Chicken (BAWWWK)!
Summer's over kiddies. Back to school with you all! As many children are stressing out over homework this year many high school seniors are stressing out about homework and a decision that will set the course for their entire life....college. College may be a great place to find your inner human being, but it is extremely expensive (extremely fucking expensive!). The only way many teens can find money is through a little big thing called scholarships. Most of the scholarships out there are for two things only 1. Academics or 2. Athletics. Not smart or athletic? Well don't you fret little one, today there are some scholarships out there that are completely zany and cover weirdos of all types. Today's post is dedicated to just that. Here's an ode to all of those scholarships that make us scratch our head and say, who the hell thought of that?
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Keep away from the creepy crawlies and dying wonder women, use protection!The pickle is very much embeded into our culture but few know how it's made. The greatly intelligent people at the Exploratorium explain it like this: "What makes a pickle a pickle? On a most general level, pickles are foods soaked in solutions that help prevent spoilage. There are two basic categories of pickles. The first type includes pickles preserved in vinegar, a strong acid in which few bacteria can survive. Most of the bottled kosher cucumber pickles available in the supermarket are preserved in vinegar. " Read the rest of the article here. Exploratorium even has a cute little game where you can create the perfect pickle!
Pickles come in all types of categories like:
Gherkins- Small and sweet.
Kosher Dills- Can still be prepared without the supervision of a rabbi and be called kosher. We're guessing pickles get special rights.
Polish- The fancy pickles. Come prepared in a salt brine with the mustard and dill still in the bottle. Some even come with pickled peppers (picked by peter).
Bread and Butter- Pickled with a high concentration of sugar. The result is a sweet treat (in pickle terms).
Where would a pickle blurb be without our favorite pickles?
Tired of the thin, boring old wonder woman? The folks at The Big Beautiful Wonder Woman blog feel your pain. BBWW features the work of many talented artists who focus on creating a fat wonder woman. The result is not really what you would expect. Some of the art is extremely ugly while other works are better than the real thing. Move over skinny bitches and let the big girls through!
Straight from the depths of the underword comes Joe Aufricht. Failed satanist and all over hilarious lyric writer, Joe is the guy next door if the guy next door is an all over horn dog. Joe's work is more disturbing than a wrinkled old man in a speedo sunbathing on your front lawn with cooking oil. Be prepared to laugh, ponder, and scratch your head with utter confusion. Just don't say we didn't warn you!
Not every Wacky Package is just a sticker. There are some packs which feature special edition window graphics and tattoos. Every Wacky Package is sold in a blind pack so you never really know what you are going to get. Once you collect enough, you may even be able to mark off your checklist with a feeling of unadultrated pride. Wacky Packages are one of the only addictions that won't leave you completely broke or in rehab. So what are you waiting for? COLLECT THEM ALL!!
Here are some very helpful links about the great Wacky Packages:
The Wacky Packages Webpages- A great source for buying and selling the packages as well as seeing any new releases.
The official Wacky Packages site- For fans of the more recent wackies. Lots of cute games also!
Damn you Trebek! With today being a holiday we have to supply you with some sort of Jeopardy! trivia. Today's catagory is Lipstick Jungle. Answers are posted tomorrow.
1.Tarte makes a dual-ended lip gloss named for this romantic pair, swingin' in the jungle since 1912
2.Sephora.com describes its "Sexy Jungle" lipstick as a "cool toffee shade of" this
3. Type of African trip whose name precedes "Blaze" in the name of a Laura Geller lipstick
4.Iman named one of her company's lipstick shades for this wildcat that's also a luxury car
5.Sultry, Hot & Passionate (Excuse me--I need to cool down) are just 3 of the shades in this co.'s Lipfinity line
Don't get strung out by the way he looks, don't judge a book by its cover. Frank is our favorite character from Rocky Horror. Not only does he perfect the cherry red lips, he's a total charmer! He's smooth, obscene, and full of pure sass. He killed meatloaf for christsake! That just screams AMAZING! 
Straight from Germany, Hedwig is the best export the U.S. has ever handled. She's a scorned woman on a mission to get her songs back from an ex lover. With bouts of catchy songs the audience is captivated by the story of a life of opression and struggle. She's a creature of pure beauty. Who wouldn't want that gorgeous blonde head of hair?1. Divine
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