An Arachniphobe's Worst Nightmare

Scared yet? You should be. Behind that clock is the largest god forsaken spider that the world has ever seen in anyone's household. Imagine innocently looking up to see the time and being confronted by four huge legs ready to burst out from underneath your clock. Look if you dare and see the monstrosity that lies beneath!!

Courtesy of fazed.org.

Little Boy Earns Big OUCH!!

Oh life! One minute you're a bouncing 20 month year old playing with your siblings and the next you're storing mommy and daddy's keys in your skull. Lucky for this young chap he made a full recovery. The x-rays show just how horrible the whole incident was! Ouch little man!

Check out the story (complete with pictures!)

Bob Flanagan's Great Facial Expressions

If the Hem was a superhero, flying through the night and ridding the world of everything evil, than the Hem would most certainly be Bob Flanagan. Bob Flanagan not only battled cystic fibrosis, but he was also a key figure in the BDSM world. Bob wrote an amazing poem titled Why , showing his reasonings for being a part of the BDSM culture. This very poem is one that evokes feelings that many of you may find particularly hard to handle and we recommend setting aside some time so you can read the poem over and over again. Bob died in 1996 at the age of 43 from cystic fibrosis. His last years were immortalized in the movie SICK: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist (shown above).

On this Thanksgiving day we find ourselves being thankful for many things, nearing the top of our list has to be Bob Flanagan's amazing facial expressions. When you think of the painful things that are happening below his facial area (he was notorious for nailing his penis to a board) than his expressions become even more interesting. Is he experiencing so much pain that it becomes pleasure? Is he the most amazing human being to have ever lived? Maybe and hell yes! One of Bob's best display of great facial expressions is in the Nine Inch Nails music video "Happiness In Slavery" where Bob is tortured/killed/pleasured by a machine. It hurts so good baby, it hurts so good!! By the way, the following clip shows nudity so..............COVER YOUR EYES CHILDREN!!

WE LOVE YOU BOB!!!

Random Believe-It-Or-Nots

The Hem adores Ripley's Believe It Or Not. We adore it so much that we even took apart our Ripley's page a day calendar and cut out every little factoid. We've put all of these BIONS into a cardboard box that lays in the corner. The only issue we have is that we have absolutely no idea what to do with these. We supposed that it would only be proper to share them with our dear readers. We love you!

• The "Combover" is a U.S. patented invention!
• Cleopatra's eye shadow came from crushed beetles!
• Giraffes are the only animals to have horns from the time of birth!
• It's illegal to pull out weeds by hand in California!
• Mice that drink beer are slightly resistant to chemicals that cause cancer!
• Bolivia's 180 years of Independence have seen over 190 coups!

The Burn Of Thorn Piles

On November 11th some Hindus honored the god of destruction Shiva in an extremely painful way. These extremely devoted followers flung themselves into beds of thorns to pay homage to Shiva so that their wishes would come true. This is an extremely interesting (and painful) act of devotion! Were we the only ones who made that painful hissing noise as the followers dove into the pile?

Via

Kitties: Cute or Conniving?

Kitties. Some people love them and some people love to push their lawnmowers over them. Are kitties really as cute as they seem or are they just evil feline snobs? We'll let you be the judge.

Cute

Awww, little kitty! Awww! It's just sooo cute!

Evil

Kitties don't make threats, they make promises. See more here.

Cute

Cute, but weird. Weird in the creepy uncle sort of way. They are actually dead, stuffed, and glued together. Are they cute now?

Evil

EWWWWWWWWW! It's like they took everything wrong with the world and put it into an animal. They should be our mascot.

UK Raw on factualTV

The Hem is usually not a big fan of plugging other websites, but when that website features episodes of UK Raw and countless other documentaries to inspire the mind for free we have to give them a shout out. factualTV is an easy to use website that provides documentaries to watch free of charge as well as documentaries to download which you purchase with "credits" all you have to do is register on the website to take advantage of such an amazing offer. We've took the liberty of personally signing up for this website and also found a documentary that you may enjoy (aren't we precious?).

UK Raw is an episode of very bizarre proportions. It features porn stars, weirdos, and the usual bands of amazing individuals. Many of the shows have to do with odd fetishes and beliefs. It's as if the Hem turned British and converted itself into a television program!

factualTV

UK Raw I

Enjoy!

Who Ya Gonna Call?: Hilarious Hotlines

Hotlines anyone? Sure, they aren't so popular anymore (unless you happen to live in my area where most of the people live in the 1980s anyway) but they are another embarrassing reminder of the past. We've all had that one time where we have called one of these numbers just to check them out and end up spending a fortune for our curiosity. All of these services are probably shut down by now, so you can watch, laugh, and not pay a dime! Don't you just love technology?


Crying Number




Really? There was actually a crying number out there? As if sobbing isn't an awkward enough activity, let's call up a random stranger to sob to! Most of the people on the commercial look like they are passing kidney stones. They need a doctor, not an unsympathetic phone operator!

Creep Phone



It's nice to see that the chainsaw wielding murders and the back alley pedophiles are becoming working members of society again. Little Billy always has a friend in the creeps! And for only 2 dollars? Consider it done!

Women's Secret Confessions



Dom Dom. They use Jessica Hahn as a spokesperson! Imagine spending 10 bucks to hear about Jim Bakker's sex life. Urgh.

Telepassions


They're hot, sexy, and Canadian! Help that poor girl! She's having head convulsions! Her head just won't. stop. spinning! Even better is the maple leaf that flies between the girls like some raunchy sign of hardcore phone lovin. ROWSDOWER!

Rivers Of Blood In Ontario

A tanker truck spilled chicken blood from one end of the town of St. Mary's, Ontario to the other. There was literally a river of chicken blood flooding the streets! What we here at the Hem really want to know is, why is there a tanker filled with chicken blood? Hmmm, now that's weird. (enter conspiracy theory here)

Check out the story

P.S. That has to be our most inappropriately placed picture yet. Sorry happy dancing chicken!

April Flores: Beauty is Thy Name

April Flores is quickly becoming our new obsession. She was featured a few months back in Bizarre Magazine and we've been in love with her ever since. With April we see an air of change in the world. Maybe more BBW will come out and flaunt what they've got. You go gurrl!

Video of April's Photo Shoot

Mexican Death Magazine Article!

Didn't we promise you babies an article from a Mexican death magazine? Awww, we're sorry we didn't deliver such graphic content! Yeah, we're back. In a sense lovely readers. Our work pile has dulled down to a slight roar. Hooray for weird blogging distractions! Anyhoo, here's that there lovely lil article we promised you alls. Just a reminder, we are only posting this article, we're not advocating any of the language or insinuations used. The magazine is meant to more or less SHOCK the reader. If you feel offended it's doing its job. Enjoy!

Torment and Death to Homosexuals
By Graciela Rodriguez
Previously appeared in Peligro!,number 313
Translated into English by Loraine Woodward
From Muerte! Death in Mexican Popular Culture

Mexico City- Five alleged homosexuals have been murdered by torture and suffocation, apparently by a “death squad,” according to police who are investigating this horrific case, which has caught the public’s attention.

In the first case- three massacred people- the cadavers showed signs of torture by suffocation and their paleness accurately revealed the anguish they had suffered hours before their premature and treacherous deaths. The victims’ hands were tied and they were gagged, strangled, and tortured. At the end, their jugular veins were cut.

Rene de la Torre Gonzalez, Francisco Estrada Valle, and Javier Ramirez Melendez, all university educated and “infected with AIDS,” according to the police spokesperson, had degrees as doctors, professors, and teachers, when they were surprised and killed by some people who had been with them hours earlier; they had been drinking alcohol together and decided to take care of old grudges.

The three AIDS infected men, sexual deviants, shared the cost of their apartment located at 350 Avenida Pacifico de los Reyes, Coyoacan (Mexico City), where they invited “male friends” over, with who they smoked large amounts of marijuana and other drugs, and drank alcohol mixed with psychotropic pills, getting a high that lasted for hours. The murderers took advantage of this to cowardly kill them mafia-style.

The apartment was used only for grand bacchanals and orgies. Neighbors said the doctor was the owner of the apartment, and that he was the one who invited most of his friends over.
Rene Gonzalez de la Torre had his permanent residence at 228 Nezahualcoyotl St., in the municipality of Texcoco, state of Mexico.

He shared the house with Mrs. Reina Gonzalez, mother of the deceased, AIDS-infected, sexually sick man. In Texcoco, he had a private medical practice for his patients. He also worked in a hospital, in this city.

Residents of this area say that the doctor was a hermit and not very sociable, “We didn’t know about the double life of this poor doctor, may he rest in peace,” they emphasized.
Another similar case is the double murder of Francisco Javier Palomer Pimentel, 35 years of age. He was apparently the owner of the apartment on Thiers 279 apt 13, Polanco (Mexico City), where the double crime took place. We did not have personal information regarding the other homosexual at the time of this writing.

The crime was discovered around noon a few days ago, and the cadavers shoed signs of torture, suffocating, feet and hands tied towards the back and with a thick polyethylene bag over their heads, which is what killed them. Both individuals were found completely nude on a bed. Francisco Javier Palomera was a real estate agent, which is why he had all kinds of relationships with a variety of people. “For this Reason,” the police said, “The task of investigating the crime will be difficult.”

The five murder victims had similar deaths to the ones in the real estate agent’s apartment, where hot porno films and other objects, such as metal rings that were used for their unrestrained passions and sexual deviations were found.

According to the investigation being carried out by the Attorney General’s Bloodhounds, “The cases are similar,” but high level authorities of this institution conceal the criminologist and criminalist advances, and say that they have not found any leads to capture the “casual acquaintances” of the murder victims.

Stafford, Harvey Bennett. Muerte! Death in Mexican Popular Culture. Port Townsend, WA : Feral House, 2000.

Yeah, We're Going For The Long Hull

Yes honeys, we're going to be gone a little longer than thought. Our work load can't be contained right now. Once all the smoke has cleared we'll be back with all of our previous greatness! In the meantime, check out this hilarious clip. Happy Late Halloween Everyone!