Ummm, BLT!

Yeah, it's random. It's also delicious. Like you don't want to jump into the computer and gobble this baby down. Ummm, BLT!

Hot Heavy Amputee Action

It's called acrotomophilia and it's defined as a fetish for amputees. It sounded innocent enough to our ears, that is until we saw this very video. Watch out kiddies, this is for adults ONLY!

Talk about giving a new meaning to having a foot put up your ass!


Thanks to CharonBoat.com for the video!

Everyday Should Be Charles Crumb Day

(Image courtesy of icamusic.com)

The Hem declares today Charles Crumb day. This great brother of an amazing artist was a true gift to the world and thus must be remembered with his own holiday. For those of you who don't know who Charles is, here's the wiki article.
A simple blog post won't do this artist justice. We propose hats and fancy banners. False teeth decorated with a Treasure Island motif will fill Charles Crumb stockings!
Never before had the world seen such a profound symbol of brutal honesty. Charles is that feeling you get right before you cry, the one where you feel kind of sick as your eyes fill with tears. Charles lived inside of his bedroom where his only company was the books that filled his humble abode. He didn't go out at all, he didn't even have to bathe anymore. The tranquilizers were trying desperately to soothe his troubled mind. The mind of a true genius. Charles only had one job, and it didn't last long. The hellish time he had with his father made deep scars in his heart.
In order to celebrate Charles Crumb day you must truly feel Charles Crumb like. First, we suggest watching the movie Crumb, but only fast forwarding to the parts where Charles makes his humble appearances or he is mentioned. Hell, you might as well watch the rest of the movie too if you have time. It's really very amazing. You can find it here.

Next, get as many books as possible from "Victorian writers" and read away. Creativity is wild in those who can take themselves to a new land.

Lastly, spend some time alone. Solitude is good for the soul. It's amazing how clear the world can become when you can hear yourself think.

Do all of these things and you will surely be praising the memory of Charles Crumb. Happy Charles Crumb Day! We love you Charles!

Bye Bye Dollie!!

Oh this is rich! It's considered to be a "craft" but it looks more like "evidence". Heh, something tells us that the Bratz bitch deserved it. She was smoothin with your brother! For all of you out there who didn't catch it, that was a Home Alone 2 joke. Hooray for random incorporation of 90s movies!

See the carnage here

Via

Emotion of The Day: Insecurity

The Internet is an exciting and complex place. We imagine that at parties the Internet is the douche bag who stands in the middle of the room with a crowd huddled around him telling adventure stories that sound too good to be true (who the fuck still climbs Everest?) He's the guy who makes you want to cry and reexamine your own dull existence. He's sure to make you feel insecure (talk about a great segway into our topic at hand! thank you, thank you).

Everyone's felt insecurity from time to time....unless of course you are a psychopath but that's for a different post. Anything can set off the insecurity bug from not having the right clothes to having a girlfriend who admits bit by bit everyone she's been intimate with as you are driving home already depressed (that one hit a little too close to home!) It's a new year, why not a new homage to an emotion we'd like to leave behind? Let's ride the insecurity bus!

Insecurity Quiz

This is cute, but we don't know if you'd really call it a quiz. You check off what makes you insecure and it gives you little affirmations to make you feel better. If you feel really bad you can even switch the afirmations around to make yourself feel worse! For example:

You check off: I am envious of others sometimes.

Which comes up as: Remember that everything anyone else has is not outside of you. You can have it, too!

Reality Check: This seems sweet and nice at first, but it makes no fucking sense whatsoever. If someone had something and I could have it too why the hell would I be jealous about it?

Insecurity Art

It takes the true sensitivity of an artist to be able to point out all of the little flaws they see in themselves everyday and label a picture with said flaws. Cheryl McLaughlin does just this in her piece titled My Insecurities. In these two pictures McLaughlin is stripped down to just a bra and panties. The pictures are labeled with different insecurities such as love handles and frizzy hair. It's vulnerability to the max and it's sure to make you feel better if you suffer from some of the same insecurities. You're not alone!

So we've delved into the deepest reaches of insecurity and what have we found? Are you a shaking in your boots insecure nutcase too? Good! Just remember, you've always got a friend in the Hem!!

REVENGE!!

Sorry that the Hem has been offline for such a long time folks! You see, I was recently broken up with (in public I may add) and the embarassing "in public" tears flew. I was also completely floored. It's hard not to think about revenge after a deed like that one. Enter Revenge Lady.com- the best site for all things revenge related. I've been on there forever just trying to make myself feel better. The "cheated on" stories are especially heart warming!

Plotting revenge? Then click here!

Unassisted Birth: Crazy or Genius?

Imagine you are in a hospital room as a pregnant woman gives birth. Nurses surround her as her screams and breathing become heavier. The doctor demands her to PUSH and suddenly the baby is thrusted into this world screaming. The nurses take the baby away to clean it as the mother lies back tired. Soon she is presented with her little bundle of life. Happily ever after...for some. For others the idea of being surrounded by machines drugged up as strangers pull their child out of their body is horrifying. They would rather have the experience of childbirth on their own. Enter the unassisted birth movement. Practitioners of unassisted birth give birth without any medical help during the birth. They take in the pain on their own usually in their own home. Many advocates of unassisted birth say that when the mother gives birth on her own she has the opportunity to listen to her own body and lessen her own pain. Opponents of unassisted birth believe that giving birth without medical help is a terrible idea because it puts both the mother and child in danger.

The above video is of a woman named Clio giving unassisted birth. Her husband films as she silently pushes out the baby. It's really a remarkable thing to watch regardless of what one believes. By the way, it features nudity.... so you've been warned.

If you are interested in unassisted birth there is a very interesting website called Born Free that provides a good amount of information on the topic. We're very interested in anyone who has given unassisted birth and has a story that they would like to share. We'd love to post your story on the blog. Send any stories to psycheofaphrodite@gmail.com.

An Arachniphobe's Worst Nightmare

Scared yet? You should be. Behind that clock is the largest god forsaken spider that the world has ever seen in anyone's household. Imagine innocently looking up to see the time and being confronted by four huge legs ready to burst out from underneath your clock. Look if you dare and see the monstrosity that lies beneath!!

Courtesy of fazed.org.

Little Boy Earns Big OUCH!!

Oh life! One minute you're a bouncing 20 month year old playing with your siblings and the next you're storing mommy and daddy's keys in your skull. Lucky for this young chap he made a full recovery. The x-rays show just how horrible the whole incident was! Ouch little man!

Check out the story (complete with pictures!)

Bob Flanagan's Great Facial Expressions

If the Hem was a superhero, flying through the night and ridding the world of everything evil, than the Hem would most certainly be Bob Flanagan. Bob Flanagan not only battled cystic fibrosis, but he was also a key figure in the BDSM world. Bob wrote an amazing poem titled Why , showing his reasonings for being a part of the BDSM culture. This very poem is one that evokes feelings that many of you may find particularly hard to handle and we recommend setting aside some time so you can read the poem over and over again. Bob died in 1996 at the age of 43 from cystic fibrosis. His last years were immortalized in the movie SICK: The Life & Death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist (shown above).

On this Thanksgiving day we find ourselves being thankful for many things, nearing the top of our list has to be Bob Flanagan's amazing facial expressions. When you think of the painful things that are happening below his facial area (he was notorious for nailing his penis to a board) than his expressions become even more interesting. Is he experiencing so much pain that it becomes pleasure? Is he the most amazing human being to have ever lived? Maybe and hell yes! One of Bob's best display of great facial expressions is in the Nine Inch Nails music video "Happiness In Slavery" where Bob is tortured/killed/pleasured by a machine. It hurts so good baby, it hurts so good!! By the way, the following clip shows nudity so..............COVER YOUR EYES CHILDREN!!

WE LOVE YOU BOB!!!

Random Believe-It-Or-Nots

The Hem adores Ripley's Believe It Or Not. We adore it so much that we even took apart our Ripley's page a day calendar and cut out every little factoid. We've put all of these BIONS into a cardboard box that lays in the corner. The only issue we have is that we have absolutely no idea what to do with these. We supposed that it would only be proper to share them with our dear readers. We love you!

• The "Combover" is a U.S. patented invention!
• Cleopatra's eye shadow came from crushed beetles!
• Giraffes are the only animals to have horns from the time of birth!
• It's illegal to pull out weeds by hand in California!
• Mice that drink beer are slightly resistant to chemicals that cause cancer!
• Bolivia's 180 years of Independence have seen over 190 coups!

The Burn Of Thorn Piles

On November 11th some Hindus honored the god of destruction Shiva in an extremely painful way. These extremely devoted followers flung themselves into beds of thorns to pay homage to Shiva so that their wishes would come true. This is an extremely interesting (and painful) act of devotion! Were we the only ones who made that painful hissing noise as the followers dove into the pile?

Via

Kitties: Cute or Conniving?

Kitties. Some people love them and some people love to push their lawnmowers over them. Are kitties really as cute as they seem or are they just evil feline snobs? We'll let you be the judge.

Cute

Awww, little kitty! Awww! It's just sooo cute!

Evil

Kitties don't make threats, they make promises. See more here.

Cute

Cute, but weird. Weird in the creepy uncle sort of way. They are actually dead, stuffed, and glued together. Are they cute now?

Evil

EWWWWWWWWW! It's like they took everything wrong with the world and put it into an animal. They should be our mascot.

UK Raw on factualTV

The Hem is usually not a big fan of plugging other websites, but when that website features episodes of UK Raw and countless other documentaries to inspire the mind for free we have to give them a shout out. factualTV is an easy to use website that provides documentaries to watch free of charge as well as documentaries to download which you purchase with "credits" all you have to do is register on the website to take advantage of such an amazing offer. We've took the liberty of personally signing up for this website and also found a documentary that you may enjoy (aren't we precious?).

UK Raw is an episode of very bizarre proportions. It features porn stars, weirdos, and the usual bands of amazing individuals. Many of the shows have to do with odd fetishes and beliefs. It's as if the Hem turned British and converted itself into a television program!

factualTV

UK Raw I

Enjoy!

Who Ya Gonna Call?: Hilarious Hotlines

Hotlines anyone? Sure, they aren't so popular anymore (unless you happen to live in my area where most of the people live in the 1980s anyway) but they are another embarrassing reminder of the past. We've all had that one time where we have called one of these numbers just to check them out and end up spending a fortune for our curiosity. All of these services are probably shut down by now, so you can watch, laugh, and not pay a dime! Don't you just love technology?


Crying Number




Really? There was actually a crying number out there? As if sobbing isn't an awkward enough activity, let's call up a random stranger to sob to! Most of the people on the commercial look like they are passing kidney stones. They need a doctor, not an unsympathetic phone operator!

Creep Phone



It's nice to see that the chainsaw wielding murders and the back alley pedophiles are becoming working members of society again. Little Billy always has a friend in the creeps! And for only 2 dollars? Consider it done!

Women's Secret Confessions



Dom Dom. They use Jessica Hahn as a spokesperson! Imagine spending 10 bucks to hear about Jim Bakker's sex life. Urgh.

Telepassions


They're hot, sexy, and Canadian! Help that poor girl! She's having head convulsions! Her head just won't. stop. spinning! Even better is the maple leaf that flies between the girls like some raunchy sign of hardcore phone lovin. ROWSDOWER!

Rivers Of Blood In Ontario

A tanker truck spilled chicken blood from one end of the town of St. Mary's, Ontario to the other. There was literally a river of chicken blood flooding the streets! What we here at the Hem really want to know is, why is there a tanker filled with chicken blood? Hmmm, now that's weird. (enter conspiracy theory here)

Check out the story

P.S. That has to be our most inappropriately placed picture yet. Sorry happy dancing chicken!

April Flores: Beauty is Thy Name

April Flores is quickly becoming our new obsession. She was featured a few months back in Bizarre Magazine and we've been in love with her ever since. With April we see an air of change in the world. Maybe more BBW will come out and flaunt what they've got. You go gurrl!

Video of April's Photo Shoot

Mexican Death Magazine Article!

Didn't we promise you babies an article from a Mexican death magazine? Awww, we're sorry we didn't deliver such graphic content! Yeah, we're back. In a sense lovely readers. Our work pile has dulled down to a slight roar. Hooray for weird blogging distractions! Anyhoo, here's that there lovely lil article we promised you alls. Just a reminder, we are only posting this article, we're not advocating any of the language or insinuations used. The magazine is meant to more or less SHOCK the reader. If you feel offended it's doing its job. Enjoy!

Torment and Death to Homosexuals
By Graciela Rodriguez
Previously appeared in Peligro!,number 313
Translated into English by Loraine Woodward
From Muerte! Death in Mexican Popular Culture

Mexico City- Five alleged homosexuals have been murdered by torture and suffocation, apparently by a “death squad,” according to police who are investigating this horrific case, which has caught the public’s attention.

In the first case- three massacred people- the cadavers showed signs of torture by suffocation and their paleness accurately revealed the anguish they had suffered hours before their premature and treacherous deaths. The victims’ hands were tied and they were gagged, strangled, and tortured. At the end, their jugular veins were cut.

Rene de la Torre Gonzalez, Francisco Estrada Valle, and Javier Ramirez Melendez, all university educated and “infected with AIDS,” according to the police spokesperson, had degrees as doctors, professors, and teachers, when they were surprised and killed by some people who had been with them hours earlier; they had been drinking alcohol together and decided to take care of old grudges.

The three AIDS infected men, sexual deviants, shared the cost of their apartment located at 350 Avenida Pacifico de los Reyes, Coyoacan (Mexico City), where they invited “male friends” over, with who they smoked large amounts of marijuana and other drugs, and drank alcohol mixed with psychotropic pills, getting a high that lasted for hours. The murderers took advantage of this to cowardly kill them mafia-style.

The apartment was used only for grand bacchanals and orgies. Neighbors said the doctor was the owner of the apartment, and that he was the one who invited most of his friends over.
Rene Gonzalez de la Torre had his permanent residence at 228 Nezahualcoyotl St., in the municipality of Texcoco, state of Mexico.

He shared the house with Mrs. Reina Gonzalez, mother of the deceased, AIDS-infected, sexually sick man. In Texcoco, he had a private medical practice for his patients. He also worked in a hospital, in this city.

Residents of this area say that the doctor was a hermit and not very sociable, “We didn’t know about the double life of this poor doctor, may he rest in peace,” they emphasized.
Another similar case is the double murder of Francisco Javier Palomer Pimentel, 35 years of age. He was apparently the owner of the apartment on Thiers 279 apt 13, Polanco (Mexico City), where the double crime took place. We did not have personal information regarding the other homosexual at the time of this writing.

The crime was discovered around noon a few days ago, and the cadavers shoed signs of torture, suffocating, feet and hands tied towards the back and with a thick polyethylene bag over their heads, which is what killed them. Both individuals were found completely nude on a bed. Francisco Javier Palomera was a real estate agent, which is why he had all kinds of relationships with a variety of people. “For this Reason,” the police said, “The task of investigating the crime will be difficult.”

The five murder victims had similar deaths to the ones in the real estate agent’s apartment, where hot porno films and other objects, such as metal rings that were used for their unrestrained passions and sexual deviations were found.

According to the investigation being carried out by the Attorney General’s Bloodhounds, “The cases are similar,” but high level authorities of this institution conceal the criminologist and criminalist advances, and say that they have not found any leads to capture the “casual acquaintances” of the murder victims.

Stafford, Harvey Bennett. Muerte! Death in Mexican Popular Culture. Port Townsend, WA : Feral House, 2000.

Yeah, We're Going For The Long Hull

Yes honeys, we're going to be gone a little longer than thought. Our work load can't be contained right now. Once all the smoke has cleared we'll be back with all of our previous greatness! In the meantime, check out this hilarious clip. Happy Late Halloween Everyone!

Going on Vacation For Two Weeks

Honestly, we don't want to leave our kind readers but it's time to relax. We'll be gone for two weeks, in that time you are welcome to read back into our archives for anything that strikes your fancy. We love you and will always be here for you! Have a great two weeks!!

-The Hem